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The ORIGINAL Story Bored from 1989 http://legacy.lavadomefive.com:88/forum/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=373 |
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Author: | Dinosorceror [ Sat Jan 17, 2009 4:24 pm ] |
Post subject: | The ORIGINAL Story Bored from 1989 |
Yes, here in its entirety thanks to Doctor Who is the old, original, ORIGINAL Story Bored that was written back when I didn't admit to anyone that I liked gigantic dinosaur claws in a sexual way, and yet talked about them all the time anyway. A lot of this will be hard to understand, and many jokes are old, but instead of explaining everything ahead of time, just remember that it's (a) 1989 and (b) you just ask questions after you read, and then I'll answer any you have. There are a lot of in-jokes that could use some explaining. I think I can probably remember most of the answers. ![]() Code: The following is a transcript of a story taken from Computer Paradise in
lovely Willow Grove, Pennsylvania. As this story begins, the Paradisians have just destroyed (?) A, a being of incredible stupidity. But they don't get a very long break... Duh And -- Part (X) Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 12:05 am Tue Sep 26, 1989 The Doctor dematerialized. The Archmage teleported. Jayce kineported. Adder depressed. Dent improbabilitized. Kai walked. Zarco zarked. Basil tripped. All that was left was the remains of Planet A, the EDTD, Dinosaur, and Booji Boy. "You're thinking what I'm thinking, aren't you, BBoy?" "That evil udder-sucking spud killer A isn't finished yet. He'll be back in some other form...maybe even more sinister than Rod 'The Man' Rooter!" Dino pushed some buttons. "I'm leaving an AZ probe behind, to monitor things here in Dimension A. If there's any silly activity, we'll be the first to know." With that, Dino and BBoy returned to Suburbia. DUH AND ___ / | / / | | | * ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Absolute Zero Probe A-0 Status Report: Active, 100% Operational Unusual Punctuation Identified in Sector A-0.223 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Greetings beings of the ether Name: Basil #9 Date: 12:43 pm Tue Sep 26, 1989 and hi to you captain america sire. I'm back from beyond the outer reaches of human consciousness and I have to tell you, it's a groovy place out there, I mean, totall party time, I'm telling you, and chicks like you wouldn't believe! Well, gotta get back there now, just wanted to check in and say, hey, everybody got do follow their own trip, just do yer own freaking thing man. where is that mesc Zonker "All space men travel with capsules" what exactly Name: Zarco #40 Date: 10:12 pm Tue Sep 26, 1989 is zarking later ZARCO Suburbia Name: Booji Boy #8 Date: 12:02 am Wed Sep 27, 1989 After a few hours of being back in Suburbia,Booji Boy pleaded with Dinosaur to take him somewhere else.... "Please Dino!,I beg of you,please take me as far away from this boring place as you can. I can't take it any more!" "Yeah,this place isn't worth Dino Droppings." replied Dinosaur. "All,I have to do is pay The Old Man(tm) 5 bucks to cut the lawn,and we'll go!" Soon after,the two spuds of Suburbia grabbed their muzikal equipment,entered the EDTD,and travelled to... "(The Suburbanites in Outer Space) ...the outer reaches of... Name: Basil #9 Date: 11:18 am Wed Sep 27, 1989 ...human consciousness. When they got there, emerging into the technicolor dayglow universe, they were greeted by a familiar voice, "Either of you dudes seen my mesc?" It was of course Zonker, who had retired here after helping in the whole disastrous Mikey-A thing. Soon he was showing the weary travelers around the bizarre and dreamlike land. Unfortunately, they, being totally straight, were only confused by the strange sights and sounds. While they wandered in confusion, a strange being crept into the EDTD, a being known as... ..."Cera"... Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 6:00 pm Wed Sep 27, 1989 While The Suburbanites in Inner Space wandered around human consciousness with Zonker, a fictitious (?) female ceratopsian character from "The Land Before Time" crept into the EDTD capsule. "Wow! With this device I can find my <*OWN*> way to the Great Valley! Ha ha! I found it! I found it! HEEEEE!" Booji heard noises from the EDTD, and whipped around. Whipped it good around. "Look, Dino! That snobby Triceratops BITCH is stealing our EDTD!" "That fuckin' whore! I'll KILL her!" snapped Dinosaur. Zonker sat back and laughed, while Dino and BBoy pounded on the EDTD. Cera bitched from inside the EDTD. "You two look SO ridiculous! You're so greedy! What about ME? I can operate this machine MYSELF...all BY MYSELF!" With that, she disappeared in a flash of blue-green. "Daughter of a bitch!" yelled Dinosaur. "What are we going to do now?" There is only one thing to do Name: Booji Boy #8 Date: 10:40 pm Wed Sep 27, 1989 And that is to get Zonker to smoke enough joints,so we can send smoke signals,and then somebody can help us get the EDTD back" suggested Booji Boy. "Wow,that's a good idea Booji! No wonder I look up to you SO much!" exclaimed Dino. So,Zonker started to smoke away.(It was no trouble talking him into it). And the Signals were seen by... ... Name: Basil #9 Date: 9:29 am Thu Sep 28, 1989 ...lots an lots of dudes, all of whom said, "Hey man, pass that over!" The Band Before Time Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 7:32 pm Thu Sep 28, 1989 While Dino got over his unexplained spasm of Booji worshipping, his Suburbanite slave (Booji) watched the line of druggies behind Zonker, waiting for a puff at the joint. "Hey, man...pass it on!" "Hey, man...pass it on!" "Hey, man...pass it on!" "This isn't working, you devolved mutant! All that the smoke signals are bringing are deranged tie-dyed idiots!" "Well, what's your big idea?" replied Booji. Dinosaur thought. "Hmm...this is the Realm of the Human Imagination, is it not? Let's imagine ourselves inside the EDTD!" No sooner had Dino said those words did the Suburbanites find themselves in the cabin of the EDTD with Triceratops whore. "What do YOU want? Go away," bitched Cera. "I'M going to the Great Valley!" "Why, I ought to..." said Dino, but BBoy held his fist back. "Look, D-man! What's that outside the EDTD?" asked Booji. "Holy dino-droppings! It's... the doc and K9 in the TARDIS!! Name: Doctor Who #62 Date: 8:55 pm Thu Sep 28, 1989 Sure enough, the Tardis was slowly materializing nearby. The doc exited, saying, "No, K9, no walkies now." He looked up, and saw what was going on. Booji seemed suprised to see him. "Who the fuck is that?" asked Cera, which was met by a stunning laser blast from inside the TARDIS. The doctor said, "excuse me...wrong century..this'll be Urbia in 94 years." and with that, he left. __ _||__ / <> /| ----+ | |DR.|/| |WHO||| |_|_|/ Cont. Name: Booji Boy #8 Date: 10:34 pm Thu Sep 28, 1989 "Why don't you all go away?! *I'M* gonna be with my OWN kind. And three horns don't play with humans!" Bitched Cera. "Great,Dino!" shouted Booji. "Well,your plan seemed to have worked. We are now trapped in this thing with a bitching Dino-Whore!" "Well,you're plan of creating a Hippy Army didn't do diddley,you Idio-Lamant!" Replied Dinosaur. "Hey guys. Like chill out. Mellow down. Go with the flow,and everything will be groovy man." said Zonker in a stoned tone. Just then,the EDTD came across a strange planet filled with mutated mutants,and over sized potatoes. When they exited the EDTD they saw none other than... ... Name: Basil #9 Date: 10:34 am Fri Sep 29, 1989 ...Mr. POTATO HEAD!!!! And Kai... Name: The Kai Lord #69 Date: 4:05 pm Fri Sep 29, 1989 ....who makes a cameo apperance and then walks off stage left... <-- Kai --> Po-ta-to Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 6:36 pm Fri Sep 29, 1989 Mr. Potato-Head waddled up in front of the EDTD. "Hey, guys! Don't get burned by a spud or spuddess holding an AbsoluteZero gun!" "ALRIGHT!" yelled Booji. "I wonder if Marky is here..." He opened up the EDTD, and started mingling with his OWN kind. "Listen, you three-horned slut...do exactly what I say, and I just might be nice enough to drop you off at the Great Valley..." said Dino. "Three-horns do not need advice from humans! ROOOOOOOAAR!" Cera charged at Dino, who unfortunately was in his human form. He was thrown against the back wall of the EDTD, and blood began to drip from his mouth. "Three-horns can be VERY dangerous!" said Cera. She strutted out of the EDTD, tail held high. "And they only talk with other three horns..." she continued. She eyed a nearby spud. "And they only travel with other three horns!" She charged the unsuspecting spud-boy, and mashed him, and ate him. "See? I can get my OWN white-food!" "Oh NO!" screamed Booji. "I've got to help Dino and get Mr. Rice-A-Roni so we can save these poor potatoes from Cera!" Cera was growing larger and larger with each spud she squashed... when suddenly, the TARDIS... Name: Doctor Who #62 Date: 10:55 pm Fri Sep 29, 1989 started to appear. The doc sensed the trouble, and left real quick, not noticing that he had dropped a potato __ _||__ / <> /| ----+ | |DR.|/| |WHO||| |_|_|/ o ^--the potato Cont. Name: Booji Boy #8 Date: 11:30 pm Fri Sep 29, 1989 "Alright,Dino!" Exclaimed Booji Boy. "We're gonna kill that little bitch,before she grows as high as Crystella!" "Yeah. I don't know what her problem is!" Replied Dinosaur,in an angred tone. "I don't know where to start looking tho-...What about you Zonker,what do you think?" "Uhhhh...like,wow man....I think the universe should live in harmony,and not fight over Spam,and Tee-Vee dinners..." "O.K.! Thank you Zonker." said Booji in a sarcastic tone. "Wait,guys! I know the way to find Mr. Rice-A-Roni,but it will be a long and perilous journey." said Mr. Potato Head. "Alright! See you can ALWAYS count on a spud!" babbled Booji Boy as he jumped up and down for no apparent reason. So,the group started on their way. They soon approached a big dark cave. "We must enter here,to get to Mr. Rice-A-Roni" said Mr. Potato Head. So,they started to enter the cave... Big Dark Cave Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 10:40 am Sat Sep 30, 1989 "Christ, it's dark in here," whispered Dino. "Anyone got a light?" Zonker flicked a Bic in front of Dino's face, thinking he had a joint in his mouth. "No, not THAT kind of light! Well, I guess it'll have to do..." Mr. Potato Head said, "Mr. Rice-A-Roni is nearby...I can feel it in my skin!" They continued to walk down the tunnel, until they came to a large cavern. On the walls of the cavern were various fictitious characters, bound to the wall. Mr. Potato Head pointed out Mr. Rice-A-Roni. They began to make their way to him, when a voice called out to Dino..."over here"... Dino split away from the pack to follow the voice. It was Littlefoot, tied to the cavern wall. "Let me free so I can help you beat that BITCH, Cera!" Dinosaur untied him, and they rejoined the rest at Mr. Rice-A-Roni. "We've been talking to Ricey here, Dino," stated BBoy. "He says that he can put a protective field around the potatoes so Cera can't squash them, but that he can't stop Cera." "No problem...Littlefoot here can do that. We just have to figure a way to make him grow as big as Cera is right now..." ... Name: Basil #9 Date: 4:02 pm Sat Sep 30, 1989 Suddenly Zonker had an idea. "Like, dudes, what if we use stove top stuffing INSTEAD of potatoes?" ... Name: Striker #53 Date: 7:16 pm Sat Sep 30, 1989 And Kai responded,"Like, dudes, what if we stuff Zonker in the stove top instead?" Cont. Name: Booji Boy #8 Date: 9:32 pm Sat Sep 30, 1989 "Oh Zonker,you are SO Retro!" Shouted Booji Boy,as he sat down and put his left leg behind his head. "Quit screwing around Booji! We have work to do!" Ordered Dinosaur. Just then,out of the shadows jumped Cera! "Long Necks aren't allowed in a three horns cave!" bitched Astaran/Cera. "Cera,you Cunt!" With that,Little Foot swung his tail around and hit Cera square in the face! "Go Away! Or I'll..." ...smash you!" Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 7:53 pm Sun Oct 01, 1989 It was then that Littlefoot and the others realized how big Cera was now. "Man, are you on DRUGS or somethin', LittleF? What you tryin' to do? Get us KILLED?" freaked Zonker. The huge Cera grinned and said "HEEEEEEE," as white potato slobber dripped from her mouth. They all started to panic...except for Littlefoot. "Now stop that! Are you guys mice, or lizards? Behave like dinosaurs in front of this bitch! Stand up tall! And head for the exit in a dignified fashion..." The Paradisians + 3 took off for the cave exit, and the EDTD waiting outside... "Hey man"... Name: Basil #9 Date: 10:20 pm Sun Oct 01, 1989 ...quoth Zonker wisely, "like peace and all that freaky shit" he continued sagaciously, "I mean, like Cera, baby, let me show you something truly unbelievable, just drink some of this kool-aid, and you won't feel much like fightin'" And thus was born... ...Psychadelic Cera, the day glow dinosaur, the tri-color tri-horn, and all was groovy. Cont. Name: Booji Boy #8 Date: 10:29 pm Mon Oct 02, 1989 "Why you little hippy!" Yelled Cera. "That Kool-Aid tasted like my *OWN* dino droppings. I should have known better. Three horns never drink with humans!" With that,Cera fell onto the EDTD and crushed it beyond repair. Then she started to shrink back down to her normal size. "Damn it! Now we'll never get off of this planet!" Screamed Booji Boy,as he banged his head against a rock. "Your only hope,is to seek out,"The Great Wise One". He will help you get back home." said Mr. Potato Head. "Well,let's start looking for him them!" replied Dinosaur,in an ignorant tone. So,once again,the group started on thier way... Deep Dino Droppings Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 11:30 pm Mon Oct 02, 1989 "Well, I guess Psychedelic Cera didn't last very long. It figures that the one thing the giant druggie bitch does while she's freaked out is squash the EDTD. Well, I'm sick of wandering around for 'The Great Wise One.' I'm gonna go back and try to piece some bits of the EDTD together, and maybe I can call Seff for help. YOU can babysit the three-horned bitch, Booji!" muttered Dinosaur as he departed from the group. "Well, *I* have faith in Mr. Potato-Head, and I'm going to keep looking for the One," replied Booji. "Come on, you bitch...keep up!" Cera was frustrated. "You humans are SO selfish. What about **ME?** I still have to get to the Great Valley! AND I'M STILL HUNGRY!" She eyed Mr. Potato-Head. "And I'm going to do something about it!" Cera pounced on Mr. Potato-Head, and squashed him into a white pulp, then slurped him up. "Ha hahahahahahaha!" Cera then began to run away. "AAAAAAAAAAAAH! YOU <<<<<BITCH!>>>>>!" screamed Booji, as he bent over the remains of Mr. Potato-Head. Booji and Littlefoot started after her, when a blast of blue-green-white light permeated the darkness of the cave. It centered on Cera, and drilled a hole of nothingness through her chest. She screamed momentarily, and then fell to the floor...dead. Seff, holding the deadly AbsoluteZeroGun (AZG), emerged from the shadows with Dinosaur. "That'll teach that tri-horn bitch to choose potatoes over rice," said Seff. ... Name: Doctor Who #62 Date: 7:07 pm Tue Oct 03, 1989 but then, the TARDIS appeared, and the Doc staggered out. He said, "I thought Cera was supposed to be a good bitch, i mean dinosaur..." Seff looked suspiciously at him, and said, "who is this?" To which the doc responded, "exactly" __ _||__ / <> /| ----+ | |DR.|/| |WHO||| |_|_|/ Cont. Name: Booji Boy #8 Date: 11:38 pm Tue Oct 03, 1989 "Thank you Seff!" said Booji in a happy tone,as he waved his hands in the air in a circular motion. Booji Boy then proceeded to take out a little knife he had on him. "This will teach you,BITCH!" Booji,jabbed the knife into Cera's dead bawdy. "Ugh! Ugh!" screamed Booji as he stabbed her over and over and over again. While Booji was stabbing her,he pierced her stomach and a glob of potato fell out onto the ground. "I will take this and bury it laster on. In memory of Mr. Potato Head" said Booji Boy. "Oh,Jesus Christ. He's finally flipped." replied Dinosaur. "Who is this nut case?" asked Dr. Who. While they were conversing,Booji scooped up the potato remains and put them in a small pouch,which he then closed. They started on their way to find The Great One... Wandering... Name: Archmage #129 Date: 4:16 pm Wed Oct 04, 1989 After wandering for about fifteen minutes, they stopped to rest in a large cavern with a lake. "What's that glow?" asked BBoy, noticing the faint light eminating from everywhere. "It seems to be stronger in that direction." he said, pointing to a passageway that was previously unnoticed. "Just phospheresence." said Seff, munching on some salvaged EDTD rations. "Wait! I heard something! Shhh!" whispered Dino. Sure enough, a faint "Help Me!" could be heard from the mysterious passage. "Just the wind!" said Seff, continuing to munch. "I don't think so. Let's go check." said Littlefoot. They followed the glow, and came to a dead end. But when BBoy leaned on the wall, he fell thru it. "A Hologram!" the party cried. Inside was a rocky cavern, and Archmage was there, trapped under a huge Boulder. "Help me! My powers are gone, robbed by that evil bitch, Natashta the Dark! Restore me, and I can reveve your spudly friend, but first you must recover the Nidas, the focus of my power. Step into the Labrynth, and I will send you thru time..." So the group, freeing and helping the feeble Archmage along, stepped into the misty labrynth... (Anyone know what this is from?) Gul na iluveheru, __ , __ -|A|- rchmage (No.) Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 5:55 pm Wed Oct 04, 1989 Doctor Who, Booji Boy, Dinosaur, Seff, Littlefoot, and Zonker, were all surrounded in a blue mist. "Hey....wow....man..." said Zonker. The others looked at each other. "Wait...a...minute... Why...are...we...all...moving...and...talking...so.. .slow?" Asked Dinosaur. They all looked at each other again. "JAYCE...GET...OFF...THE...COMPUTER!" they all yelled simultaneously. "Whew, that's better," said Booji. When the smoke had cleared, the little steamer had reached the misty horizon, and Carrie was safe. But the Thunder Child had vanished forever, taking mankind's last hope with it. The dark sky was filled with green flashes, cylinder following cylinder, and no one and nothing was left now to fight them. The Earth belonged to the Martians. "What's happening?" asked Dinosaur. "That clip wasn't from OUR goofy story! Maybe that's what the labyrinth is...we have to find our way through these stories to find the...uh oh...does anybody remember what Archmage told us to find?" They all looked at each other...again. ***Meanwhile, back in the fake world*** The remains of Cera began to fizz. The Kool-Aid that Zonker had given her was finally beginning to have a lasting effect. All her injuries were healed. The New and Improved Psychedelic Cera (the day-glo dinosaur, the tri-colour tri-horn) stood up and said, "Like, wow man...can any of you dudes tell me the way to the Great Valley? I heard they grew some AWESOME weed there..." The people still held captive in the cave looked very confusingly at her. I must applaud... Name: Basil #9 Date: 11:53 am Thu Oct 05, 1989 ...that final paragraph. "huh?" Name: The Kai Lord #69 Date: 5:34 pm Thu Oct 05, 1989 ...Kai exclaimed as he stepped through the wall, "where did you guys go? I just stopped to take a leak and then suddenly EVERYBODY was gone...man....some people..." <-- Kai --> <<< NOT VALIDATED YET >>> Um... Name: Archmage #129 Date: 6:49 pm Fri Oct 06, 1989 (Sorry, new guy, I have to write around you - I can't read you.) Archmage waved his hands, and the mists parted. They were in a cave, but a different one from which they started. "This is where the Nidas is. The Nidas is the focus of my power - the closer I am, the more powerful I am. I need to touch it to get all of my strength back. But that Bitch DArk Natasha took it. So, if you see something that looks like a big crystal that glows, tell us. And watch out for Dark Natasha." He waved again, and a carved staff 5 feet long topped with a silver ball and ribbons appeared. "Thought my DM's Mace could be handy as a walking stick..." And in another Dimension, a Psychadellosaur began to lumber in the direction of the ArchLabrynth... (No one here has seen Into the Labrynth on Nickleodeon? Used to be with Carrie Palmer, Under the Mountain, etc.) Potheadodon Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 12:19 am Sat Oct 07, 1989 "What da hell did Archy say?" sayd Dinosaur. "Something about getting a crystal, and watching out for a stark moustache, or something," replied Booj. "Let's just find it so we can get out of this...whatever it is." Days passed, but the Paradisians could find nothing. Nothing but a large, dark cave. They walked for two more days, and could see nothing before them and nothing behind them. For three more days they walked, and could see nothing before them and nothing behind them. Again, they walked for days and days, but could see nothing before them and nothing behind them. Exhausted, Dinosaur said, "Oh, Jesus Christ. I know what story we're living now...it's that stupid ancient babble, Gilgamesh. First The War of the Worlds, and now a book written by simpletons." At that moment, a portion of the wall disappeared. Behind it was Cool Cera, the day-glo dino. She said, "Hey, dudes! Get an eyeful of this new crystal trinket I've found!" She was wearing that...whatever that crystal's name was...around her neck. "Cool!" said Littlefoot. "Now Cera's on our side...I think...and we have that whatever-it-is for Archy! Let's get out of here!" "NOT SO FAST!" "What?" they all yelled in uncanny unison. A huge pair of nose-and-moustache glasses appeared. "I am Stark Moustacha, and you must defeat me before you can have the crystal!" "Oh Shit!" Name: Archmage #129 Date: 11:31 am Sat Oct 07, 1989 (Geeze, can't anyone remember a name around here?) Stark Moustacha, flunkie and servant to Dark Natasha (as in no-light, evil, and a Russian chick's name) floated foward, trying to attach itself to Seff's face. "Help!" he cried, "I'm gonna wind up looking like Groucho Marx! Arrgh!" The glasses continued to attack, attempting to slide on to his head. "Wow, man, that is, like, soooo funy!" murmured Zonker. The glasses stopped. "Really? You liked it? I was actually funny? Gee, thanks. No one ever liked me before. Not even my master. You want the Nidas, as in Midas with an "N"? Sure...take it!" Archmage sighed in relief, and reacked for Cera's pendant. But suddenly, a figure appeared between them. "Not so fast, Archy! You'll have to get by me! And I know your Truename - RESH!" The dark figure screamed at Archmage, who lapsed into a seizure of agony. "No more, please!" he cried. "Get her!" Yelled Dino. But as the figure turned to face the Potato-recoverers, they gasped at who Dark Natasha really was. It was Astaran, with her hair dyed black. "hullo?" Name: The Kai Lord #69 Date: 1:26 pm Sat Oct 07, 1989 ....said Kai. "Hullo?" "Damn no answer..." <-- Kai --> "God, no....no no no...NO!" Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 3:37 pm Sat Oct 07, 1989 Dinosaur started trembling and fell to his knees. "God, no...no no no...NO! It CAN'T be you! You're gone! Forever! Aaahhh!" He collapsed to the floor, mumbling...while Astaran slid his AbsoluteZeroGun from the holster around his waist. "Fool. You arr AlL folls! You sawt to eggs-aisle me to Pitsburk, but you fayld, do you heer me? FAYLD!" She raised the AZG, and slowly targetted the group. They all started to slowly back away... "Like, wow dudes. This is really heavy," said PsychoCera. "Yeah...really retro," confirmed Booji. "I could really go for some weed," drugged Zonker. "Definitely not white magic," mezmorized Archmage. "I want my mommy," sniffed Littlefoot. "What a primitive reaction," logicized Seff. "Oh San Francisco," wished Mr. Rice-A-Roni. <Save a potato> coagulated the remains of Mr. Potato-Head. Astaran was about to pull the trigger, when Dino pulled himself up from the floor and charged her. She drilled a hole of nothingness into the cave roof, letting in a circular beam of light. Astaran then smashed Dino over the head with the handle of the AZG, and he fell shaking in the spotlight. "Fall...FALL!" screamed Astaran maniacally. She took quick aim at Dino, and pulled the trigger. The AZG sputtered momentarily. Astaran looked at it, shook it up and down, aimed, and pulled the trigger again. A conical beam was emitted from the nozzle, and it enveloped Dino. He raised his head and began to say something, when he appeared to explode into his component molecules. Astaran walked up to the puddle, and watched it as the cave floor absorbed it. She smiled, just as Booji Boy took the remains of Mr. Potato-Head and threw it at her face. "Aaaah! I cant breefe! Ey'l be bak, ydiots!" she screamed as she threw Dino's AZG down and escaped into the darkness. "Dinosaur's gone," sobbed Littlefoot. "No he isn't," explained Seff. "He has been transported to the EleventhDimension. His 4-D physical body has been obliterated, but he exists in another form in 11-D. We must get back to the EDTD and reach him. I think I can get it working again..." "Here, Cera!" Name: Archmage #129 Date: 2:52 pm Sun Oct 08, 1989 "No sooner said than done!" siad Archmage. He touched the Nidas, and was restored to full strength. "Off we go, back to our original story." Thye group faced the wall, which opened up to reveal a cavern filled with mists. "The ArchLabrynth - connects all times, places, and improbabilities. Just be careful you don't get lost, or you could wind up in a Fairy Tale or something." The group advanced into the fog, and traveled on for a bit. Soon, they emerged from a hole in the ground near the EDTD, which was still in shambles. "Go for it, Seff. You work on the EDTD, while I work on resussatating our spudly companion." And with a bit of water and instant potato mix, Mr. Potato Head was restored. "Hmmf. I can fix it, but I need a Trans-improbability conducter and a batch of Warpdust to power the engines back up. Anyone have any of that stuff?" asked Seff. At that moment, Kai stepped out from behind some bushes. "Aha! Found you at last, BBoy! I was sent to kill you by my employer, and you shall die!" He raied his Katana (Samuari Sword) and rushed the bewildered group. "Thanks!" said Seff. He grabbed the Katana from Kais hands and stuck it into the EDTD's innards. With a hum, it powered up, now semi-functional. "Now all i need is the Warpdust to get her to full capacity." Kai just stood there in a stupor, looking at his sword in the EDTD's mechanisim. Cont. Name: Booji Boy #8 Date: 4:11 pm Sun Oct 08, 1989 "All right,Kai." screamed Booji Boy at the top of his lungs while @icking little pieces of dirt off his pants. "Who sent you to kill me? I wanna know NOW!" While all this was happening,Zonker was cuting some crab grass at a near by grove. "Wow,D00dz! Like try smoking some of this grass man. It's like being in a different world." "We ARE in a different world,you Human. My Father says druggies have very small brains" Bitch Cera as she started to return to her bitchy state. Just then,a mysterious shadowy figure hurled a spear at Mr. Potato Head. "Mr. Potato Head! NO!" Screamed Booji Boy. Booji Boy jumped in front of Mr. Potato head and the spear pierced his flesh and dug into his heart. "By the great Sky Buuny!" exclaimed Dinosaur. "Booji Boy are you ok?" "What a dumb question! You humans are so stupid!" Bitch Cera,AGAIN. "Ahhh,my time in the light is short. Soon I will be in the great cow pasture in the sky. Continue on your quest my friends." whispered Booji Boy,as his eyes rolled back in his head. "He's gone." Suddenly... Name: Basil #9 Date: 5:58 pm Sun Oct 08, 1989 ...everyone realised that the Archmage had made a perfectly silly story into something that was a little too connected with bizare mazes and other RPG type things, thus, they decided to leave him to his own fate and headed off towards the sunset, searching for the great valley of elemental herb. "The fabric of Paradise..." Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 9:51 pm Sun Oct 08, 1989 "...has been ripped," thought Dinosaur, as he floated around in 11-D (being sent there by Astaran with a faulty AZG). "Booj apparently made me appear and talk to him as he was being speared. Strange..." "I must return to Paradise," pleaded Dinosaur towards the 11-D Beings. "My friends are in trouble, and I technically didn't die, so I should still be there!" The Beings conferred, and sent Dinosaur back to the cave. *** Mr. Potato-Head was leaning over the speared Booji, as the bitchy Cera, Archmage, Kai, Seff, Zonker, and Littlefoot looked on. Dinosaur then appeared in a flash of light, and ran up to Booji...much to the suprise of the Paradisians. "Dino! What happened? We thought you were dead?" inquired Archmage. "It's a long story. Let's worry about Booj now..." Booji lay cradled in Mr. Potato-Head's arms, with a gaping hole in his chest which once spurted blood. "Seff! You better get that EDTD fixed NOW so we can take him back to your Complex and Xertra can heal him! Before Booji's brain goes!" "I need some Warpdust!" replied Seff to Dinosaur. Dino explained to the others that what the Jrathans call Warpdust is actually mercury (Hg), atomized into a fine mist. "We need some mercury now, or Booji doesn't stand a chance!" "My katana!" Name: The Kai Lord #69 Date: 2:10 pm Mon Oct 09, 1989 screamed Kai. "My poor katana. lost in the innards of a complex and electrical machine. Ruining the poor beauty and simplicity of it altogether." "Sigh. Oh well...I guess i'll just have to use these to get rid of them" And Kai reached into his exotic ninja suit and carefully pulled out... <-- Kai --> /d ...Kai said,... Name: Basil #9 Date: 6:06 pm Mon Oct 09, 1989 ..."pardon me while I whip this out" so saying he pulled out a scroll naming him sheriff of rock-ridge. Meanwhile, back in the Jungle, "Hey man, dry some of this acid, it's way better than that ole mercury shit." zonked Zonker, "Son of a bitch!" Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 8:30 pm Mon Oct 09, 1989 cursed Seff, as he held a DinoScanner over the acid Zonker handed him. "This is an even better substitute for Warpdust!" "I told you, man! It's good stuff," babbled Zonker. "How soon can you have the EDTD ready to take Booj to Xertra, so we can get him fixed up?" asked Dino. "Not soon enough, I'm afraid..." Suddenly, a flash of light blinded the group. When it subsided, Booji's body was gone. In its place stood Astaran, holding a crystal orb with an image of Booji inside. "Fuuls! Eye speered Boogie bOy! End now I hav him traped...fourever! HAhahahahaaahhhhhhhha!1!111!" "Hey, bitch...just go away!" screamed Dino. "I'm so sick of seeing your repulsive misspelled face! Give me that orb!" "Yool hafe to katch mee phirst, asswhole!" She disappeared in another flash of light. "We've got to find that whore, and get Booj back. If I can think...YECH...like her for a moment, I would take Booj back to her only home...Chhhharnegie Mellonnnnuh. C'mon, everyone...pack into the EDTD," urged Dino. "Hey, man...as long as they got good weed there," said Zonker. "What a strange, strange plot," thought Archmage. "C'mon, Cera!" shouted Littlefoot. "I could have gone with Astaran...but I CHOSE to be with YOU," bitched Cera. "Why won't they give me a chance to kill them!?!" worried Kai. Seff and Dino stepped in last, and set the dials of the Way-Back Machine to Chhhharnegie Mellonnnnuh... "I wish.... Name: The Kai Lord #69 Date: 9:25 pm Tue Oct 10, 1989 ....i could understand SOMETHING that Astaran is saying...." Said Kai. The sheriff? Wow....I'm gonna git me a posse. <-- Kai --> I can see... Name: Basil #9 Date: 10:39 pm Tue Oct 10, 1989 ...that that joke was lost on everyone. Please, didn't anyone get it? {I went back... Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 4:59 pm Wed Oct 11, 1989 ...and read it again, but I'm sorry, Zonk. I don't get it.} (Obviously) Name: The Kai Lord #69 Date: 5:14 pm Wed Oct 11, 1989 Neither did I. <-- Kai --> Haven't any of you... Name: Basil #9 Date: 7:22 pm Wed Oct 11, 1989 ...seen Blazing Saddles? Rock-Ridge, whip this out, sheriff, any of that ring a bell? Heloooo oooo ooo... continuing... Name: Doctor Who #62 Date: 8:47 pm Thu Oct 12, 1989 the doc's tardis appeared behind dino in the machine. he came out and said, "oh, shit! the TARDIS is inside another vehicle, making it hard to leave 'til we land" Everyone seemed surprised to see him, but they soon regained interest in the problem at hand. However, the doc and archmage began talking of the good old days, with Belor and rothgo..."I deny you the Nidas! (Knighdess)" __ _||__ / <> /| ----+ | |DR.|/| |WHO||| |_|_|/ Ahem...anyway... Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 9:26 pm Thu Oct 12, 1989 ...the group arrived at the hollow halls of Chhhhharnegie Mellonnnnnnnuh... {Oh, YOU think of something. I expect to see Astaran dead and Booj alive by the time I get back from Virgin...ia.} Okay. Name: The Kai Lord #69 Date: 11:17 pm Thu Oct 12, 1989 Then suddenly Astaran died and Booji Boy cam back to life. <-- Kai --> Cont. Name: Booji Boy #8 Date: 11:36 pm Thu Oct 12, 1989 "Fool!" Yelled Astaran. "You can never destroy the Carnegie Mellon Queen!" With that,Astaran flew her arms up in the air,said a few words and turned Kai Lord into an Albino! "HAHA. I have just begun! Soon,everyone will have red eyes and live in Kansas." (Boy,if she were here,she'd kick my ass.) Then it happened... Name: Basil #9 Date: 1:38 am Fri Oct 13, 1989 ... "Yo everyone, I just found out that I can get my B. Mus. and my B.A. in 5years at CM, and I might go to college there" Zonker screamed in terror, "No man, Oberlin, Oberlin, you can do the same thing there, and you can be with freaks and all that. Why are you looking at CM, what does it have to offer. You'll never be happy there, remember the grass is always greener on the other side of the... hey, maybe that's not such a bad idea afterall..." Albino? Name: The Kai Lord #69 Date: 5:22 pm Fri Oct 13, 1989 ...."AAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!" screamed Kai, "I'm a.....a..... HONKEY! A CHICO! A WHITE BOY! AAAHAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" I've lost my intelligence, my culture....my...my....rhythm!!! Kai screamed in terror. Only to die a quick and harmless death from pure shock. Slowly, at the edge of the universe, his body began reforming (thank god, in a NORMAL one..) BTW, I've got a friend at Oberlin now....we used to call him "Captain Death" <-- Kai --> Hmmm... Name: Hate #10 Date: 11:20 pm Sat Oct 14, 1989 I've come to the startling conclusion that 85-90% of the human race isn't worth the carbon it's printed on, and shouldn't be saved from the inevitable war that will transpire in the near future. Sad, isn't it? (Oh, and I'd hate to be Kai... Imagine having a second chance on life, only to form at the edge of the universe trillions of light years away from any respectable mall. Sad... And not to mention the fact that a human body will have a hard time when it's through forming in a vacuum at about 3 kelvin... Sad... very sad...) everyone paused to think about Name: Doctor Who #62 Date: 1:23 pm Sun Oct 15, 1989 what hate had said. Then, they took out their pocket knives, and cut some salami out ofastaran's body __ _||__ / <> /| ----+ | |DR.|/| |WHO||| |_|_|/ Why does Hate... Name: The Kai Lord #69 Date: 2:58 pm Sun Oct 15, 1989 ....have to be SO practical??? <-- Kai --> "You stupid ASSHOLES!" Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 7:25 pm Sun Oct 15, 1989 screamed Dino into the sky, even though he knew that the EleventhDimensionBeings existed all around him. "You put me back in the universal temporalstream, but you distorted reality in the process! Now Kai is floating around in deep space, Astaran is a loaf of Salami, and Zonker has become a college connoisseur! You stupid ASSHOLES!" The only ones who didn't seem to be affected by the temporal disturbances were Littlefoot, Cera, Mr. Potato-Head, Dinosaur, Booji Boy (deceased), Archmage, Seff, and Doctor Who. "Come on, you guys," urged Dino. "Pack into the EDTD, and let's go kick some 11-D butt." They all piled in, leaving the distorted reality behind... "Five microcycles until 11-D materialization, Dino," said Seff. "What the fuck is a microcycle?" said Mr. Potato-Head. "Four..." "Look, look what you're doing! What about ME?" bitched Cera. "Three...wait! Something's happening to the controls!" shouted Seff. "What is it? What's wrong?" asked Dino. "The 11-D's are screwing us up somehow! We've got to attempt HazMat!" "What?" "You know...HAZMAT!" "No, I don't know, lizard breath! Now talk in ENGLISH!" "Hazardous Materialization! We could pop up anywhere in the universe!" "Oh boy...that's sounds like fun..." "Attempting HazMat now..." +fizz+ Cont. Name: Booji Boy #8 Date: 11:47 pm Sun Oct 15, 1989 The EDTD spun out of control through the tunnels of time and space and set down in a place called Heaven. "Welcome to Heaven Brothers."stated a shining Angel. "Parking for the EDTD costs 5 bucks!" "5 Bucks! Who do you think you are?! Three horns NEVER pay Angels!" Bitched Cera. "Yeah! That'S a little high. I pay The Old Man that much to cut my whole lawn!" Yelled Dinosaur. "Wow Man,like,smell the air d00dz...what a high. I feel like I'm on Cloud 9" said Zonker. "YOU ARE" Boomed a voice. Just then,emerging from behind a cloud approached a figure dressed in all white with a golden Bible in his hand. "I...I...don't believe it!"studdered Seff in Amazement. "It's Booji Boy!" "NO. Not Booji Boy. Father Christian,high Priest of Heaven(next to JC of course)." stated Father Christian. "Come. Pass through these gates and live in Heaven,FOREVER!" "Dude!!!... Name: Basil #9 Date: 2:38 pm Mon Oct 16, 1989 ...s'up my man?" hollered Zonker, "Like, where do you dudes keep the greenery? I mean, if John Cliver is the top dog around here it's gotta be a party town, yeah, I'm up for it." "The statistical probability of that is aproximately seven point two million to one in an environmental situation where the near vacume conditions and low temper..." began Hate before he was banished to the plane of logic and reason (sometimes called the looney bin) "Fine! Name: The Kai Lord #69 Date: 5:37 pm Mon Oct 16, 1989 ....leave me here!" Yelled kai. <-- Kai --> Cont. Name: Archmage #129 Date: 8:18 pm Mon Oct 16, 1989 (Good. SOMEONE got my plot. Thanks, Doc!) The group looked up at BBoy. "How'd you get in? You'e the most perverted of the DinoCrew, remember?" asked Kai. BBoy looked around for a moment in fear, and said "Hmm - you're right. I'd better get out while I still have the option. Let's split while we can. Boring place - they banned Devo up here." Everyone piled into the EDTD, and sat down for a long trip. "What's this?" asked Archmage, pointing to a depression in the console with a flashing light in it. "Oh. The Dent Communicator. And he'S trying to reach us. Hello, Dent?" Dent appeared on the monitor screen. "HELP!" he cried. "Mikey A is at the mall, and he's armed with a CamCorder and a GIF converter! No - stay back..." Suddenly Dent vanished. Dino turned off the monitor, and called the CP BBS. Sure enough, Dent was stored as a GIF pic in the UL/DL section. "We have to stop him and get Dent back! To the Willow Grove Mall we go..." Gul na iluveheru, __ , __ -|A|- rchmage finally, back to the story... Name: Doctor Who #62 Date: 8:43 pm Mon Oct 16, 1989 at the mall, they were all surprised to find jaycefish with his 19.2K modem. Apparently, he was slowly turning into jayce-salamander. The TARDIS and the EDTD both were set down in the (((place where jayce works)...i can't say)). Everyone stumbled out. Jaycefish-salamander pointed to the ground with his nose, and there they saw arthur dent sprawled out... __ _||__ / <> /| ----+ | |DR.|/| |WHO||| |_|_|/ Mall Name: Archmage #129 Date: 7:30 pm Tue Oct 17, 1989 sprawled out, as a printed out GIF pic. "A is armed with a CamCorder and a GIF converter program - he is trying to turn us into GIF pics. Dent is already stored on the CP disk, but I cannot reveve him." At that moment, A stepped out from a store with the Camera. "hAHAHahAh! I HaVe GOt YoU Now!" he said, as he pointed the camera. But Archmage waved his hand, a huge mirror appeared, and A filmed himself onto the tape instead. "Quick - Seff, Dino - hook up a GIF converter to the Altered Beast game in the arcade upstairs and enter Mikey A! We have to beat him before he frees himself from the tape!" The group ran upstairs, entered Challenges, and hooked up the aparatus to the video game. Using the remote control doohickie, Archmage filmed the entire group and they entered the realm of the Altered Beast Coin-Op. "Where am I? Come to think of it, Who am I? Wait - I am the Ultimate Paradisian, a component of all of the best users of CP rolled up into one! With all of us in the computer, we can combine our attributes into one creation to fight Mikey A!" The Ultimate appeared on the screen of the video game. It was as tall as Archmage, Scaly like Dino, had BBoy's hairstyle, Basil's tye-dye shirt, Cera's horns, Littlefoot's tail, Dent's Denim jacket (with Don't Panic button), Zarco's cutting sarcasam, Who's knowldege of the obscure, and Hate's hate of goofy users, not to mention aspects of almost every other respected user on the board. It was the Ultimate - and it was destined to fight Mikey A. Then someone put a quarter in, and the game began to go... Gul na iluveheru, __ , __ -|A|- rchmage go... Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 8:46 pm Wed Oct 18, 1989 ...for 1.00293 seconds, precisely. A tectonic shift in the San Andreas Fault caused a electro-static power surge to be sent through all electrical devices. Every arcade game in Challenges was subjected to a massive wave of energy...just enough to cause the digitized information of the combined Paradisians..."Par"...to become reality. Par stood there, staring at the mindless arcade-goers, until he decided to step forward...and backwards...and say something...and wave his arm...and pass gas...and hum the tune of "Baby Doll" all at the same time. The result was a noisy, smelly jumble of actions which got Par nowhere. All the Paradisians agreed that they could not stay in this one body, so they all decided to seek help from Jayce-Fish and his 19,200 baud modem. Little did they know that A had already downloaded itself and converted itself from GIF to RealLife (tm) format, and was now confronting JayceyFishy with his GIF converter... converter... Name: Doctor Who #62 Date: 9:20 pm Thu Oct 19, 1989 Downstairs, jayceyfishy was fighting a losing battle with mikey a, who was now a gif, tiff, pict, epsf, and even a USSR. (well, maybe not a ussr.) Par looked on for a second, knowing that they couldn't distract jayceyfishy. Par thought intensely for a second, and heard everyone's voice... "Life sucks" "Don't Panic" "Gul na iluvehuru" "My love slave" "I deny you the Nidas" "Where are you, Seff??" "Come along, K9" All these thoughts merged into, "We've got to kill A, again." Par grabbed A, and lifted him without effort. All of him. Par was startled at his strength, and quickly recovered. However, JayceyFishy was melting, and was soon JayceyIceyCreamy. __ _||__ / <> /| ----+ | |DR.|/| |WHO||| |_|_|/ (this is getting good) Yeah right. Name: The Kai Lord #69 Date: 11:57 pm Thu Oct 19, 1989 Whatever. <-- Kai --> ARGH! Name: Archmage #129 Date: 10:35 pm Fri Oct 20, 1989 See what I mean about Kai? Dr.Who - do you remember Under the Mountain? Loved that show. The Wilberforce. This is getting too weird even for me. I'd better let Dino smooth it out. "We bring you the gift of...(mmpfh)...Oblivion!" Gul na iluveheru, __ , __ -|A|- rchmage What memories, AM! (I love em) Name: Doctor Who #62 Date: 11:03 pm Fri Oct 20, 1989 He's still JayceyIceyCreamy __ _||__ / <> /| ----+ | |DR.|/| |WHO||| |_|_|/ Who, Who? Name: The Kai Lord #69 Date: 12:40 pm Sat Oct 21, 1989 <-- Kai --> Ahem...AHEM... Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 4:35 pm Sat Oct 21, 1989 THE STORY SO FAR... All of the Paradisians, give or take a few dozen, are jumbled up into a being known as Par. A is using a multi-format picture converter to melt JayceFish. AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT... {Well, not actually. I'm just going to barely link this story to a new one.} ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Par managed to agree on one thing...it had to stop A from destroying Jayce. Par smacked A across it's featureless face, and the GIF converter fell onto the ground, and was pointing at Par. Before it could scan Par completely, however, Par grabbed it and directed it at the stunned A. In an instant, A was digitized and stored on a 3.5" disk, which flipped out the side of the converter. Par then destroyed the disk, obliterating A. He placed the GIF converter on a table behind Jayce's computer, and asked Jayce, "If it's not too retro, and if you're willing to talk to three-horns and allow cybernetic dogs here, could you separate us, Jayce...that is, if you GET OFF THE COMPUTER!" "Sure, hahahahaha, no prob," said Jayce. "This program here, which I call F. L. Y. N. N., which stands for reFormatting Lots of Your Neat-o Neophytes, will do it for me." He inserted F. L. Y. N. N. into his drive. The screen went blank, but then green text and an ominous voice appeared and sounded: YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE COME BACK, FLYNN. "What?" said Jayce, confused. "What's going on?" He rolled his computer chair over to his printer, which was whirring out some nonsense about Space Paranoids, while Par stared at the screen. Suddenly, the GIF converter sitting behind Par activated, and Par was separated and digitized, and entered the computer world... ++++++++Characters in this story: {Please try to keep them consistent this time around!} Paradisians: Others: ------------ ------- Booji Boy Cera Dinosaur Littlefoot Kai Seff Archmage Mr. PotatoHead Doctor Who Zonker {And anyone else who wants to add him or herself, without ruining the plot} ((Well, Archy did want me to straighten out the story!)) Cont. Name: Booji Boy #8 Date: 10:00 pm Sat Oct 21, 1989 Thee Paradisians found themselves on a digital computerized life-sized chess board. "HAHA,Now my litle pawhns,I have just goten bakk from Carnegee-Melonnn,and I have used the GIFF Conferter to diggitityze Jayce;and if u ever want to cee him again,yo'll play my litle chest game." Said Astaran,as she laughed hysterically while her breasts hopped up and down. "BITCH! Back from Carnegie Mellon,and you still type slow and spell BAD!" Yelled Dinosaur. ZZZAAAPPPP...... Just then,Astaran flipped Dinosaur off the board and onto the floor,knocking him out cold. "I all ways thawt he waz a jerc anywaze"Sneered Astaran. "Alright. You have us for now,Annie. We will play your game,then free Jaycey." Stated Booji Boy as he looked down and saw that he was "Father Christian....a Bishop in the chess game. "I shoold have kild you when I hade the chanse,Boogie Boy" Replied Astaran. "Let the game Begin!" The Paradisians looked around,and noticed that they were the dark team and that the white team consisted of Albinos... Line 6-^-"chest game"...haha Name: Doctor Who #62 Date: 12:19 pm Sun Oct 22, 1989 albinos...The paradisians, Booji, Kai, AM, Doc, Basil felt queasy and small. Basil had turned into a rook, as had Archmage. Kai and Doc were knights. Candle smasher, though sort of unaware, was the queen. JayceyFishy's face was on the king's head. The other bishop (not Booji) was someone else whom they couldn't recognize. The pawns were little xfer bits. Astaran called oout in a booming voice..."BEGIN!!!" The paradisians conversed, then decided...Kai Lord to Basil's third. Kai took a huge jump, and landed perfectly on a black square. (The opening setup of the Paradisian team) _________________ |p|p|p|p|p|p|p|p| |-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-| >--2nd and 1st lines. |Z|K|b|J|C|B|D|A| ----------------- Z=Basil/Zonker K=Kai b=bishop p=pawn J=Jaycey C=Candle Smasher B=Booji D=Doc A=Archmage __ _||__ / <> /| ----+ | |DR.|/| |WHO||| |_|_|/ Suddenly... Name: Basil #9 Date: 1:19 pm Sun Oct 22, 1989 ...Zonker had an IDEA! (well it kinda looks like a lightbulb) "Yo dudes, I got it!" With that, Zonker lept off the board and threw the Giff converter under the bed. "Ah evil one from Pidsburg, you can't get it there!!!!" And with that, the Albino's ran in fear and the Paridisians grew back to their abnormal sizes while Astaran would have snivled if she could have spelled it. "Yer sush a phool!" Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 4:42 pm Sun Oct 22, 1989 screamed Astaran, as she prevented Zonker from leaving the computer world. "End eye ken jhus kik the gIfF kunvurtur owt frum onder the bead!" She then immobilized Zonker, and he froze into a dark rook. Kai stared in fear at him for a moment, then looked to the other side of him, and saw the Dinosaucers emblem in the space beside him, which represented Dinosaur, the bishop, who had been flicked off the board. Archmage whispered to the others. "Listen, we've got to protect JayceKing over there if we ever want to see him alive again!" "We don't have any guarantee that that bitch will free Jayce once we win the game, though!" replied Doctor Who, the knight. "It's better than opposing her and having her destroy Jayce!" Archmage paused. "Well, I believe white moves first..." An albino knight on an albino horse rode out in front of the pawns, and pointed a lance at Kai. A bolt of lightning shot out from it, hitting Kai in the chest, almost knocking him off the board. He managed to pull himself up again, and said, "Hey, you whore...that's not fair!" "Yer fergetin, dis eys MEYE gayme, end I kin doo enythin eye whant!" replied Astaran. Meanwhile, Dino sat underneath the chess board, wondering what he should do to rescue his friends. "There must be a way to get back to the real world from here," he thought. "I wonder if I can get in touch with my Amiga through one of these I/O towers..." "Bitch." Name: The Kai Lord #69 Date: 5:23 pm Sun Oct 22, 1989 muttered Kai, and he picked up his almost completely wrecked self. Now you're asking for it. "IZZ DATT WRIGHT?" she taunted. "WAT MAIKS U DINK DAT? DIS IZ MYE GAIM, END EYE KAN DU WOT AI WONT 2!!!" "Huh?" said Kai. "Yeah, right. Whatever." <-- Kai --> / Then it happened... Name: Basil #9 Date: 7:58 pm Sun Oct 22, 1989 ..., "Excuse me miss, but do you have the reciept for that game?" "Receit?" "Or the box, or the orriginal disk?" "Bocks? Original Dix?" "No, I thought not, come along with us. You're under arrest." "But hu r u?" "Didn't you see the jolly roger miss? We're the pirate police. You have an illegal copy of this game, you'll have to come downtown and answer some questions." with that Astaran was lead away by the peg-legged officer, with his parrot assistant holding a large magnet near hear, ready to erase her instantly. The paradisians, of course, were busy hiding their faces, and computers. Let the game continue... Name: Archmage #129 Date: 10:40 pm Sun Oct 22, 1989 But even with Astaran gone, the program still ran. Kai got up, but staggered and fell back down. Archmage moved over to help hm up. As he entered the square next to Kai and stopped, the white pieces flashed once and took their turn, sending out a pawn to threaten hte hapless two. "Oh shit - if we move, it takes it as our turn!" exclaimed Booji Boy. "I wonder what happens if we move illegaly..." He was rewarded by a energy blast from the board as he moved sideways instead of diagonally. "We need to change this." "Of course! Dragonchess!" Archmage waved his hand, and the board changed into a 3-D chess set. "Now the computer is helpless - it doesn't know how to play! Let's get our forces back up to normal and better!" Dino reappeared on the upper level as the Dragon piece, and a new figure appeared - Ice Man was the Paladin. "Now listen - I know how to play, bit it doesn't. Just follow my directions, and they will kill themselves and we will checkmate them." He noticed that the Black Pieces were dark and twisted parodies of themselves. "Right - Dino, move ahead/right 4 squares...good, they goofed up my mimicing our move. Now move ahead and take the Sylph, Dino, and CHECKMATE! Use your fire-breath and fry that Dark King!" And with a sizzle, the game was over. The Paradisians were all free, and let loose inside the computer system. "Right - all we need to do now is get out. Any ideas, folks?" Gul na iluveheru, __ , __ -|A|- rchmage Whew... Name: Hate #10 Date: 1:38 am Mon Oct 23, 1989 Good thing you all forgot me, Hate screamed as he BAMFed in on a EDTD type scooter. "Yeah, I finnaly figured out the Jrathan was right, and got myself one of these nifty little things. Anybody sick of this silly chess game can just hop on with me, and we'll go back to a much better time, when people were crucified for any abnormal belief... er... no, that's not it... we can go to a time where there is no chess! No, that doesn't seem to be it, either. Hmm... Where that hell can we go?" Kai stirreed... Name: The Kai Lord #69 Date: 6:07 pm Mon Oct 23, 1989 ...and grunted. "Huh?" he muttered, "Yeah right. Whatever." He collasped once more onto the floor. <-- Kai --> They concentrated into a Name: Doctor Who #62 Date: 7:12 pm Mon Oct 23, 1989 command-shift-1, and sent the game disk out...but, astaran was in drive two, and pulled them back in... __ _||__ / <> /| ----+ | |DR.|/| |WHO||| |_|_|/ Sorry, had to eat dinner... Name: Doctor Who #62 Date: 7:50 pm Mon Oct 23, 1989 continuing.... The two disk drives were locked in battle. Finally, though, when the paradisians' disk was out, and innocent bystander grabbed their disk, and put them into a IIci. The ultimate power was felt, and they were no longer chess pieces. They had all metamorphosed into commercial/industrial/residential zones. SImcity had begun __ _||__ / <> /| ----+ | |DR.|/| |WHO||| |_|_|/ SimParadise Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 10:19 pm Mon Oct 23, 1989 The Paradisians found themselves in an incredibly lifelike simulation of Tokyo. Robotic computer controlled cars filled the streets, and construction and demolition was occurring everywhere. Standing at the corner of Osikawa and Hachiwawa (English translation: Australian Cow and Hot Chihuahua) Avenues, and with Hate still hovering on his EDTD scooter, they planned their next move. "The bitch won't be gone for very long, I'm afraid," said Dino. "Are you talking about ME?" bitched Cera. "No, you silly whore, ASTARAN! Well, she's a silly whore too. Anyway, she'll make short work of those Pirate Police." "Ey AwlLredY halve!" chuckled Astaran, whose computerized face loomed over the city. She then disappeared, masking her actions at the computer keyboard. "If this is just like SimCity, and Astaran's at the controls," worried Dr. Who, "I think we're in deep Galifrean goat-cheese!" Suddenly, the ground began to quake. Astaran made an 8.0 earthquake at the center of town. They all scattered, and Hate hopped off his EDTD scooter, just before a chunk of simulated building crushed it. They heard Astaran's maniacal laughter echoing and booming in the air. After the quake subsided, Seff helped Hate dig out the remains of the scooter, and commented, "Ah, I see you got the best and latest model of the EDTDScooter. A wise decision...otherwise, the main circuitry would be smashed under all this rubble." "Of course," replied Hate. "Contrary to some other people's opinions, this baby can do 0-100 years in 1.2 seconds, and the mileage is..." Kai smacked him. "Anyway," continued Seff, "all we have to find is something to mount this circuitry in, and we can use it to get out of this terrible simulation." "Sure, but what?" asked Booj. Suddenly, a five hundred foot replica of Godzilla appeared next to the group. It started moving towards them, destroying buildings as it approached. "NOW look what Astaran's done! How will we get out of this?" asked Archmage. F=reaky Tyme Ma-Shine Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 10:29 pm Mon Oct 23, 1989 "That's it!" yelled Seff. "I've got it! Everyone stay calm...I'll be right back!" The Paradisians watched as Seff approached his big brother. All they could hear him say was, "Hi there, big guy" and the rest was in some Saurian dialect. After a few seconds he returned. "C'mon, everyone...climb onto God's hand here..." "That's SACRILIDGE!" screamed Booji/FC. "Quiet, mutant. Just do what I say..." They all climbed into Godzilla's hand, and he raised them up to his head. "Alright...everyone get inside." He opened up a panel in the side of the monster's head, and the all climbed in. An array of intricate controls confronted them. "I'm sure, given enough time, we can figure these out. Now help me mount the EDTD innards, Dino." "Oh, I get it!" said Dino. "You're going to make Godzilla here into an EDTD! /<-/<-/<00l, d00d!" "Stop babbling and help me," said Seff, "before Astaran catches on to us." A few minutes later, the GodzEDTD was ready. "So long, you misspelling, ugly broad!" yelled Dino as he activated the AZ fields, and the GodzEDTD left the computer world. They could hear Astaran, typing slowly and faintly, "U wyl nefr eggs-cape, fuuls! Iy wyll duhstroye u al!" "Where are we going?" asked Kai. "Who knows. I haven't exactly worked out the controls yet..." They all screamed in particularly uncanny unison, "WHAT?" Well... Name: Hate #10 Date: 1:59 am Tue Oct 24, 1989 It seems as though Kai is still in a state of collapse on the floor. I'll take this time to do a little neurological surgery. "Hmmm... Dino, where exactly did you say the speech center was?" "I dunno... just poke around inside his head until you hear him say something." "O.K. Hmmm... Lesse... AH HA! I got it", Hate exclaimed as he pulled a lime green section of cortex out of Kai's head. "He'll be alright, except he won't be able to say 'whatever' anymore. I've got the 'whatever' part. I wonder what to do with it now..." "huh?" Name: The Kai Lord #69 Date: 6:35 pm Tue Oct 24, 1989 Kai stirred. "What's going on around here? Where am I?" "You're in the GodzEDTD." answered Dino." and don't worry Hate's just been messing around with your mind." "Yeah, right." Kai muttered. "Wh...." "That's strange." Kai stated. "I can't to seem to say `wh...." "Oh that's because I did a little neurological work on that little head of yours, and removed a little slice of lime green something or other that allows the use of the word 'whatever' in you vocabulary." "Huh? Yeah, right." Kai said. "Wh...." "AAARGGHHH!" Kai screamed. "Okay....this isn't funny anymore." <-- Kai --> The GodzEDTD.... Name: Archmage #129 Date: 8:43 pm Tue Oct 24, 1989 whirled throughout the realities of the known and unknown universe, looking for a place to land. Meanwhile, Dino and Seff were working at the controls (or so thaey said - Hate suspected they were installing some controls). The rest of the crew was flipping through the TV that was installed inside the behemoth, complete with cable hook-up. "This is all trash. Cable, and no good channels, like HBO or Prisim, or Showtime. All this joint has is MTV, VH1, Nickeleodeon, and that crap." complained Kai. "What a waste of the American mind - don't ya just love it?" Dino looked up from the console and say a dangling cable. "Let's see what this connects to..." With a fiz and a pop, the cable suddenly fell out under the slight pull of Dino's arm. "Whoops. Sorry, didn't know my own strength. Where did the end...NO! It hit our destination determiner!" They watched in horror as the cable hooked itself up to a console by sheer coinsedence. "What was that cable?" Asked Dino. "That was to the TV. That means we're gonna land...(gulp)...inside of TV land." And with a groan and a wheez, the GodzEDTD appeared in the middle of a Living Colour video on MTV... Gul na iluveheru, __ , __ -|A|- rchmage Hmmm... Name: Hate #10 Date: 1:35 am Wed Oct 25, 1989 RE: The GodzEDTD.... "I wonder if any of us qualify as 'glamour boys'?" Hate muttered. "I think I do," exclaimed Booji Boy as he proceeded to jump about the stage like a shrew on 59 ounces of pure Brazilian cocaine. "Hmmm... must be something the matter with the chap. Looks like I'll have to operate. Archmage, would {_you be so kind as to get him uncouncious?" Kai said as he drooled at the thought of slicing somebody up... "BRU-HAHAHA...." Name: The Kai Lord #69 Date: 5:38 pm Wed Oct 25, 1989 Kai laughed evilly. "Now it`s time for fun..." Than suddenly a large black man with braids covering his entire head began jumping and thrashing around, causing total confusion within the ranks of the Paradisians. "What could be worse???" groaned Dino. Then, as if his question was answered, Downtown Julie Brown popped out from the side of the screen. "No...." Kai groaned, "ANYTHING but that...." <-- Kai --> |
Author: | Dinosorceror [ Sat Jan 17, 2009 4:27 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The ORIGINAL Story Bored from 1989 |
Code: Quick! Before Club MTV is on!
Name: Archmage #129 Date: 6:41 pm Wed Oct 25, 1989 The crew ran back into the GodzEDTD and took off, draging a thrashing loonie with them. "Wait a minute...if we're in TV land, let's pick up some stuff while we're here. Dino, can you change channels with that thing? Good. Now go back 3 years in time...good. Philly 57, 6:30 in the morning...Great! Now I'll just send out a probe, and..." In a few seconds, the probe returned with a blue motorcycle and a suit of blue body armour. "Right, one REF VR-041 Saber Cyclone from Robotech coming right up!" Archmage suited up, and the Cyclone transformed into Battle Armour. "Let's see Astaran try to attack us now! Ok, guys, let's pick up any other items from TV land before we leave. Who wants what?" Gul na iluveheru, __ , __ -|A|- rchmage Nothing too big or that would ruin the plot, please! / (shit, I hate that!) "Well, I always... Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 7:44 pm Wed Oct 25, 1989 ...wanted to find out what the 'oscillation supercharger' was from that one Dinosaucers episode...I believe it's playing on the Family Network on cable now. Let me go down and have a look..." said Dino as he set the GodzEDTD coordinates to land at the beginning of the episode entitled "Allo and Cos-Stego Meet the Abominable Snowman..." "That guy is REALLY looney," said Archmage "He's beyond retro," said Booj. "Oh, he's just so cool," said Littlefoot. "Three-horns never philosophise about humans," bitched Cera. "Save a potato," repeated Mr. Rice-A-Roni. Dino returned, with a red box 7" square with a white button on top. The box was labeled "OSCILLATION SUPERCHARGER." "Well, I had to give Allo $100,000 for the parts to make one, but here it is. But I still have no fuckin' idea what it's for..." "Who's next?" asked Seff. (Watch Dr. Who post next!) (What timing!!!) Name: Doctor Who #62 Date: 8:16 pm Wed Oct 25, 1989 "oh, good, I'm next!" I wanna go on some Dr. Who episode and get a new TARDIS...the old one was in the SimCity rubble. Luckily K-9 was with me." K-9 said, "Very lucky, master." Later... "Now it's someone else's turn..." Astaran interrupted the Doc and her voice vaguely appeared over the sky saying, "Enjoy this freedom while you can. I hafta have dinner..." __ _||__ / <> /| ----+ | |DR.|/| |WHO||| |_|_|/ Cont. Name: Booji Boy #8 Date: 10:53 pm Wed Oct 25, 1989 The Crew were all in the GODZEDTD when all of a sudden, Booji Boy started to scream and then proceeded to run at Dinosaur. "What in the world is wrong with that human,NOW?!" Asked Seff. "Ahh,he does this stuff all the time." replied Dinosaur just as Booji Boy nailed him in the chin with an uppercut. Booji Boy then hit Dinosaur over and over and over again until Dinosaur was thrown against a computer terminal. ZZZAAAAPPPPP....."Ahhhhh" Screamed Dinosaur as he got a somewhat huge electrical shock. Dinosaur fell to the ground. Unconscience,dead,no one knew for sher. "HAHA! I was never Booji Boy. Astaran killed him a while ago and still has his soul in a gem and...." started the fake Booj. "Stop. You fool. Tell them no more. Dinosaur is dead,and that's all that matters. They will be lost forever in their EDTD." Stated Astaran. "Now,destroy the others." Booji Boy turned to the only other being whoi knew how the EDTD worked. Seff. "Die. You overgrown Lizard!" Yelled The robotic Booji, as darts started to fly out of holes in his fingertips. Several of the darts hit Seff,causing him to feel dizzy and lose his balance. "Now,you will Die." stated The Robot Booji Boy,as he pulled a pistol out of his pants(that's right. He wasn't glad to see Cera) and aimed it at Seff. "Goodbye. Fool!".... Meanwhile... Name: Basil #9 Date: 6:30 pm Thu Oct 26, 1989 Zonker stood up, he surveyed the land around him. Apparently he had been abandoned in this strange world. The hills rose to the west, like the coils of some strange serpent rising above a see of grass. The clouds hung over the place like an ebony pall, supported by a few colmns of wispy smoke off in the distance. He knew what it was he had to do and began walking to the west, swallowed by the tall grasses of this endless ocean. His feet moved slowly at first, but then with greater speed. His mission was clear; there was work to be done here, a people in desperate need of a hero. Zonker knew he was no hero, but sometimes there is nothing to do but accept that role for which fate has touched you. With heavy heart, Zonker walked off towards the distant smoke, a new man in a land of trouble. One man can't make a difference, but he can make a friend... ...now we return you to our regularly schedualed programming... Duh, holy jeepers Kai lord, gosh golly, let's get wierd and live in TV land with cartoon artifacts"... WAIT! Name: Hate #10 Date: 7:12 pm Thu Oct 26, 1989 RE: Meanwhile... "WAIT!" screamed Hate at Booji Boy! "Don't you realize that all Americans are morns, and Europe is the K-K00lest place to be? We must all band together and destroy this evil capitalist state, and buy Audi's and BMW's and live in the paradise across the ocean. Yes, we must return to our roots, and go back to Europe! We Americans are just such ignorant slobs, lagging behind the world in everything from culture to technology. The U.S.A is a place for rejects! Just imagine living in the utter filth and dissaray found in Europe! Imagine a place where everybody speaks a hundred different languages, looks at old pictures, and poisons their enviornment worse than the most decrepit U.S. company! Yes, a veritable paradise! Come, Basil is leaving for Europe soon, so exchange your greenbacks for some K00l Eurodollars, and return to Eden: The decrepit, exausted clime of Europe!" Booji Boy just stood for a secod, the a pale yellow ooze began to leak from his ears. His robotic brain wasn't manufactured in Europe, so it couldn't handle a paragraph of that size. He soon collapsed to the ground in a small pool of battery acid, and twisted thoughts. "Stupid robot... they never could handle a large dose of sarcasm.", Hate muttered as he played with some knobs (ON the control panel of Godzilla, not Black Adder...). "Let's see where I can take this thing..." Godzilla... Name: Hate #10 Date: 7:23 pm Thu Oct 26, 1989 "Hmm.... this looks like an interesting world to stop at," said Dinosaur after he had waken up, and a nice cup of tea (Civilized Europens ALWAYS drink tea, and so should we), and had a chance to check out where they were going. "What?", exclaimed hate. "Why would anybody stop on a world like that?" he said as he pointed to the moniter. "Just take a look, it's the personfication of boredom. Standard atmosphere, but a bit light on oxygen. Native life that still live in shacks, and light wood fires. Looks like the thin atmosphere keeps the natives from advancing anywhere in technology. They have the intelligence of the average 7 year old American. Pathetic... Just look at the screen. It even looks boring" Hate said as he waved towards the large screen G.E. viewer in the corner. It wasn't a pretty sight. In fact, it looked a little like Great Britain in the time around 1000 B.C.. It was cloudy and rainy, and it almost looked like the smoke coming from the little cabins supported the sky like fragile little pillars. "Oh, what the hell! Lets land and pretend were Gods. These people look stupid enough to still believe in the supernatural." A 500 green lizard soon materialized about 15 feet above the ground about a mile or two from the closest shack. "Whoops! Looks like I missed the ground by a bit! No big deal. I'm still trying to get the hang of these controls." There was a slight thud as the lizard dropped. "Say, did you hear that?", said Dino. "Yeah, kind of like a squish sound? I think I landed on a native. Oh well, no great loss. The computer says he didn't now anybody on this world and was just looking for a friend." {Ah HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!} Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 8:04 pm Thu Oct 26, 1989 {Alright, Hate...you're really smoking! Hahahahahahahahahah!} "Boy," sighed Dino, "I sure am glad that terminal was a high voltage, low amp system...so it looked spectacular, but was actually quite harmless. Did mess up my Amazing Time-Travelling Watch though, when I hit it. Are you alright, Seff?" "According to my calculations, those darts in the RoboBooj were only poisonous to humans. I'll be OK in a few minutes." "Well, since Hate is so intent on being a supreme being, Seff and I will stay here and try to locate Astaran...and also find where Booji's SoulCrystal is being kept. You guys go ahead," said Dino. They all climbed out of the GodzEDTD, when they heard a muffled sound from beneath Godzilla's foot... "Like wow man...did I get...some bad weed...or something?" "Huh?" Name: The Kai Lord #69 Date: 8:27 pm Thu Oct 26, 1989 said Kai. "Whatever..." <-- Kai --> "WAIT! I SAID IT!!! BRU-HAHHAHAHAHAHHA" Oh, fuck. Name: Archmage #129 Date: 3:41 pm Fri Oct 27, 1989 "Hate, he's regenerated that damn brain pattern again. You hold him down while I remove it PERMANATELY." Hate complied with a flying tackle, and Archmage proceded with Open brain Surgery with a CADS-1 Energy Saber in the middle of an open field. "Got it. Ok, I'll just use a bit of acid to singe it off..." At this, Zonker popped out from under the EDTD. "Acid? Huh?" Noone seemed to notice (not that they ever did). "Ya know, Archie, I have the feeling we've been here before. As in us. You, me, Booji, Dino, and even Basil. Weird." A chill wind began to blow. "Uh oh. I think I know why. This may be the land of the Discarded handles. Once, all of those people had other pseudonyms, but they switched handles. And if I'm right, they all wound up here, waiting for a change for revenge." "You mean - the essences of Lord Soth, Big Brother, The Anarchist, Lao Tzu (Gesundheit!) and Jrathan Maximillian are out...there? Makes me shudder. We'd better find some cover, and fast. "Huh? Weed? Did someone say weed?" asked Zonker/Basil. Suddenly, there was the sound of a horse from the far hill. A Knight of Solmania, radiating an aura of Evil and fear, appeared. "Fool, Archmage! I shall reclaim my true user from you, you foul glitch of a modem personality!" And he charged... Gul na iluveheru, __ , __ -|A|- rchmage "Whole-E Shhh-yt!" Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 5:41 pm Fri Oct 27, 1989 ...they all screamed precisely in unison. "Back into the GodzEDTD before they ALL attack!" screamed Archmage. The huge hand of Godzilla picked them up, and they all re-entered the BrainCabin. Hate explained to Dino and Seff that this planet seemed to consist of our old handle-personalities, and that they were trying to destroy us. "That explains it then," said Dino. "That's why the scanners said that the inhabitants had an average intelligence quotient of 60. That's PRECISELY what I would have done if I were in Jrathan M's situation. It's just a trap." "But wait," said Doctor Who. "Maybe this can turn out to be to our advantage. If we capture The Anarchist, perhaps he can lead us to the imprisoned Booji Boy!" "Excellent idea," agreed Seff. "We haven't had any luck finding him with the AZProbes." "Now what can we do to lure him inside the GodzEDTD...?" Meanwhile... Name: Black Adder #3 Date: 8:32 pm Fri Oct 27, 1989 ...Astaran was sitting in her easy chair watching Star Trek: The Next Generation. She thought to herself, "Hmm, that Geordi LaForge sure is cute, but it would be nice if his skin were a bit paler..." Then a commercial emphasising the importance of comfortable tampons came on and she switched her monitor to the Paradise team. "Ha! Doktor Hoo haveing a brillyant idya! What a prepostoris thawt! I dont hav anyithing two werry abought frum theze idyots!!!!!" With that, she switched back to Star Trek and watched the exciting conclusion... HEY WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE!! Name: Basil #9 Date: 11:37 am Sat Oct 28, 1989 ZONKER IS GONE! He is not under the EDTD or anything like that, he has walked off in the arms of destiny to help a people in great danger, maybe he'll be back later, but right now, he's walking through the ocean of grass (legal) towards the distant hills where the villages are burning. Come on, brutalise someone else for a change. Sorry... Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 12:17 pm Sat Oct 28, 1989 ...you've already paid for this. We've followed you to the people in great need, and we smushed you. Tough titty! We have met the enemy, and they are us! continuing... Name: Doctor Who #62 Date: 5:17 pm Sat Oct 28, 1989 Everyone was trying to come up with ways to lure the Anarchist (whom, i presume, was BB??) into the GodzEDTD. Even Hate was helping the Doc program the TARDIS to think of a way. Then, suddenly, Archy spoke. "You know, maybe if we could...oh, never mind." Hate pounced on him, "WHAT!?!?! We hafta do SOMETING!!" "I was just gonna say, if we could surround the Anarchist, maybe we could get him somehow into another enclosed space. We could make a fake Booji, and have him saythat he would give himself up. The Anarchist wouldn't do it, though, because he knows the GodzEDTD is ours...but we don't have another vehicle." "Wait! We do," said Seff. "The Doc's TARDIS. Anarchist doesn't know it's with us. We could lure him into it. Whaddaya say, Doc?" "it's worth a try," came the reply. "K-9, prepare the TARDIS for a potentially violent guest. Defense code 5H2-delta." K-9 entered the TARDIS. The plan was made that the Doc would take the TARDIS down to the ground near Anarchist, and set up a fake Booji in the doorway. Hate and Dino would go with him, to help pummel the Anarchist. The others would help Seff move the GodzEDTD to someplace where it'd be safe from intruders. The TARDIS would meet them there. Off they went, the Doc, Dino, Hate, and the fake Booji. When they landed, they were 25' away from the Anarchist, which was pretty good. They set up the fake Booji (which was programmed to lure Anarchist into the TARDIS, courtesy of Seff) in the doorway. When Anarchist saw the TARDIS and Booji, he sneered. "Trying to phone home, Booji? It won't do you any good." Anarchist charged at the fake Booji, and next thing he knew, he had rammed a papier-mache Booji into the TARDIS control room. "Get him!" yelled Dino, as he and Hate pummelled Anarchist. The Doc closed the door, and off they went. However, something went wrong. A disturbance was felt inside the TARDIS. It started to shake. Astaran's voice was heard..."Yu cann't get aweh that eezilee!! I emm sending yu tu unuther place...one ware yu will haf morr problemmz!!!" There was a loud crash, and then they were out cold. The next thing they knew, they were crawling out of the TARDIS, which was on it's side, onto a grassy field. For miles, all to be seen was grass. Dino tried to be cheery, and said, "Well, at least we're alive." Hate said, "I'm not sure of that yet." The Doc had checked the TARDIS's instruments, and reported their location. "Everyone...i have some bad news. We're away from the land of used handles, but we're on a planet where the only other living things are dinosaurs." Dino smiled and said, "Not to worry. These are my people. Who knows, maybe the GodzEDTD got spun here, too..." (No room for the regular signoff, but the story is getting fun. And hate, don't put us in New Jersey.) Whew... Name: Hate #10 Date: 10:29 pm Sat Oct 28, 1989 "Dinosaurs? You mean those REALLY big green things with tiny brains? I wonder what we have to do here? Gee, I hope there is a decent mall around here somewhere, I have to buy the new Guns 'n' Roses LP. And then maybe I'll just hang out in the mall for a bit. Yeah, that sounds like a lot of fun. Then, I'll grow my hair real long, and...", Hate babbled on. "Uh-oh," remarked Dr. Who. "His brain has obviously snapped from the journey back into time. Somebody tie him up before he starts to wear heavy metal T-shirts, and listening to Metallica. We have to find a way out of here before anybody else goes crazy." "Yeah, first Booji gets lost, and Hate thinks he's a mall-rat. Who knows, soon Black Adder will start riding a unicycle for a carnivil shideshow if we don't act fast," remarked Dino. "Yeah, sure, wh******," mumbled Kai (He didn't even realize he couldn't say whatever) "We sure are in a mess. We gotta get outta this place..." and as if.... Name: The Kamikaze Kat #11 Date: 12:38 am Sun Oct 29, 1989 there weren't enough problems, a member of the moral majority jumped out from behind a tree and yelled "Freeze, you have violated interplanetary penal code number 0042, Story without a plot containing allusions to that satanic group Gunz N Rozez and other evil incarnations! A universe wide poll has been taken, and 93 percent of the public (of course the poll was taken only from psychopathic lobotomized apes on morphine but....) belive you should be thrown into the infinite voids of plot until such time when you emerge from your plotless state and - CRUNCH" the guy was promptly smushed by a roving glacier, which immediately proceeded to smush the Tardis and was heading towards the crew... Dr. said "Don't worry, I have intergalactic AAA, but I don't know if red cross covers attacks from malificient glaciers!!" just then the sun that the planet revolved around went supernova and engulfed the planet in flames just as they were run over, the combined affect bing approximately that of a slightly too hot jacuzzi, but of course Hate was allergic to jacuzzis and promptly died, but that didn't stop him from walking and making sarcastic remarks about cheap european jacuzzis and how american jacuzzis were so much nicer even if he was allergic to them and that if he had the choice between being shot and having to drive a BMW he would be hard pressed for a decision, so no one noticed. and so... Hmmm... Name: Hate #10 Date: 7:37 pm Sun Oct 29, 1989 "So this is what it's like to be dead. Hmmm... Not too exciting. I guess I was was wrong... I never did believe in an afterlife. I wonder if God is around here. HEY! GOOOOOOOD! HEEEEELLO? GOD? Hmmm... guess not. I wonder if this is in heaven or hell, or what? I wonder if I can find Shirley Maclaine. I just think I'll go about hanging about this group of living people untill I can start some trouble. Yeah, that sounds like fun..." EEwww... Name: Archmage #129 Date: 8:46 pm Sun Oct 29, 1989 This is getting weird. Back in the EDTDzilla, Seff looked at the monitors. The TARDIS was kiddnapped by Astaran! "We have to save them!" he cried. "Wait!" said Archmage. "We need more firepower first. Ever hear of MechaGodzilla, Seff?" He gave a devilish grin. "So much for this pile of junk, we can rebuilt it! Astaran, prepare to meet MechaGodzilla, EDTD style!" Gul na iluveheru, __ , __ -|A|- rchmage (I'm gonna let someone else smooth things out. I'm confuzed.) EEwww... Name: Archmage #129 Date: 8:46 pm Sun Oct 29, 1989 This is getting weird. Back in the EDTDzilla, Seff looked at the monitors. The TARDIS was kiddnapped by Astaran! "We have to save them!" he cried. "Wait!" said Archmage. "We need more firepower first. Ever hear of MechaGodzilla, Seff?" He gave a devilish grin. "So much for this pile of junk, we can rebuilt it! Astaran, prepare to meet MechaGodzilla, EDTD style!" Gul na iluveheru, __ , __ -|A|- rchmage (I'm gonna let someone else smooth things out. I'm confuzed.) Cont. Name: Booji Boy #8 Date: 9:51 pm Sun Oct 29, 1989 Meanwhile... Hate was walking around and realized that he wasn't in Heaven or Hell or An Acme supermaket. Walking with his head up trying to examine the sky,he bumped into a spiritual form of Booji Boy. "Hate! I see Astaran got you too!" stated Booji Boy as he fell over while trying to balence on his tiptoes. "Booji! Where are we?" asked Hate. "We are in Astaran's soul gem. She plans to kill us all and keep our souls in this gem forever. There is no escape,I've tried everything. It's all up to the gang to get us out." "Yol Nevr Eggs-cape! Eye wil kill U awel!" Boomed a femine voice. "Astaran is so powerful now. Without me,the group is finished." said Hate. Booji just looked at him and rolled his eyes. Hmm... Name: Hate #10 Date: 10:56 pm Sun Oct 29, 1989 "Maybe if the group somehow gave Astaran a dictionary, or something. That would probably make her go insane (If it hasn't happened already...).", remarked Booji. "Yeah, but how will we get the message to them? And what the hell is a soul gem? And how do we get out, and what else is in here?", rattled Hate. "Eye nowe hav the too mst powrfell of da groop. Iff eye kan git da reste off the intllligent 1s, eye wil surele winne!", screamed Astaran, as she she flipped on the TV. She had become completely clear n her attempts to become as white as possible. It was truly a horrendous sight. Meanwhile... Name: Archmage #129 Date: 4:31 pm Mon Oct 30, 1989 Seff and the crew finished up modifing the MechaGodzillaEDTD (or MGEDTD for short). Within a few minutes, a huge silver dinosaur was materilizing in the middle of the CMU campus. "Right, let's find that frwak and get our friends back." said Archmage. "What are we looking for?" asked Zonker. "Look for a psychadellic-looking gemstone that is glowing like a Dead Concert." he replied. "Oh. OK, no problem." Archmage took out the Nidas, the source of his power, and shrunk it down. Soon it was a small pendant in the shape of a crystal ball in a dragon's claw. "Ok, Great White Bitch, It's my stone against yours. Split up, but keep in contacct. Scream if you see her paleness." He suited up in the cyclone Armour, and rode off in motorcycle mode. The group failed to spot a pair of beady red eyes floating away, as the now invisible Astaran laughed wickedly. Gul na iluveheru, __ , __ -|A|- rchmage Damn it. Name: The Kai Lord #69 Date: 5:32 pm Mon Oct 30, 1989 I'm lost now. Meanwhile Kai engaged in an intriguing conversation with Monkey Boy in the back of the EDTD thingamabob, without the use of the word. You know which word, shut up. <-- Kai --> i say hate can't post on this Name: Doctor Who #62 Date: 7:21 pm Mon Oct 30, 1989 sub anymore... COntinuing... The MGEDTD went spinning thru space and landed in the midst of dinosaurs. The paradisians were dizzy, but they soon spotted a smoldering heap. Seff and Archy said simultaneously, "That might be them!" And so, off they went, and, as luck would have it, it was Doc and Dino. The TARDIS seemed gone, and only K-9 was left from it. They were picked up, and started to receive a signal from Astaran (more like sonic booms). "Fuulz! I hAf Now KaptchURreD the TaRDis, aNd Yuu ArR PowerleSSSS to FiND Mee!!" Suddenly, everyone thought back to a time when they were all sitting around a table, deciding how to fight Mikey A. Then they all realized, Astaran is spelling like A!!! __ _||__ / <> /| ----+ | |DR.|/| |WHO||| |_|_|/ ..... "My GGGGGGGOOOOOOOOODDDDDDD!" Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 9:27 pm Mon Oct 30, 1989 screamed Dino, as he played the rhythm to "Bite A Bone" on his skull. "Astaran is the final and deadliest extension of A! Now we really must destroy him! Her! Whatever!" Dino looked at Kai, and smiled. Cera popped out from behind MGZEDTD. "HA ha! I could be with the other three-horns, but I chose to come back to warn YOU. I...met...ASTARAN!" "What did you say, you tri-horned tampon?" asked Seff. "My father told me that Jrathans have very small brains," retorted Cera. Cera continued, "Astaran says that if you will give her the secret of Albinovolving, she will let Hate and Booji go. HEEEEEE" "That bitch will do anything to be an albino! She must have watched some Dinosaucers episodes, and in her demented mind mistook Dinovolving for Albinovolving. Well, that gives me a dino-myte idea! I still have the oscillation supercharger, whatever that is. Let's give it to Astaran, tell her it will Albinovolve her, and hopefully it will do something nasty to her." "But what if it's something good...like it gives her supreme power?" asked Who. "We'll have to take that risk, to get Booji back." answered Dino. "And Hate!" reminded Zonker. "Yeah, right. (Huh?)(Lever-L)." said Kai. --------------- DinoNote: In the brilliant movie, "Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla," the creator of Mechagodzilla was a person who had reptilian skin showing on his face. His lackeys were actually super-evolved apes. Makes you think, eh? Cont. Name: Booji Boy #8 Date: 10:43 pm Mon Oct 30, 1989 "HAHA Eye Heer Everiethink yo r saing!" said Astaran. "Eye am throo plaing a-round. Yo wil noow dye!" with that, Astaran grew 10,000 feet tall. As she was growing,she picked up Archmage with her fingers. When she reached her full height,she said "For a time I considered sparing Suburbia,but now, you shall witness it's dismemberment." For some odd reason Astaran was able to spell a complete sentence without making many mistakes. "I'll stop you,Ann!" replied Archmage from within her hand. He rose his hands and began to chant. Astaran's hand began to smoke. "Owl! Yuo wil paye fo thit onE, arshmag!" with that Astaran rose her hand above her head,opened her mouth and dropped Archmage into it. While sliding down her throat,he was separated from his Nidas... "You BITCH!" Yelled Dinosaur. "Without Archy's power we are surely done for!"... "I have it dudes... Name: Basil #9 Date: 11:21 pm Mon Oct 30, 1989 ..." shouted Zonker, "Like, let's get the bitch to keep growing. Where's the miracle grow?" Dino immediately used the phone in the EDTD to call Lawn Doctor and soon a large white and gree tank truck ppulled up driven by... ...Hate! "Check this out. This thing has a 600hp 460 cu.in. supercharged side oiler with a 200hp nitro kit. It'll do 0-60 in -1.2 seconds, so fast that it makes time actually run backwards" Zonker was unimpressed. Hate rolled out the hose and began spraying Lawn Doctor Super Mega-Grow Poisonous Ultra-Toxic Green Slime (300dollars a square foot for those who want a nice healthy lawn) on the gigantic Astaran. Soon she began growing again until she was 200,000ft tall. "Now we've fixed you" yelled Dino, "Try breathing out where the solar winds blow Star-Bitch!" "Yeah" said Zonker "What he said" Archmage then shouted "Now there is no escape, send the Albino to his death, unprotected from the Sun's rays. Hahahahaha..." Kai simply said "Who, when, where, why, and however." More Deep Dino Droppings Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 5:34 pm Tue Oct 31, 1989 The megagiant Astaran loomed over the surface of Earth, but used her powers to create a protective field around herself in space. "Foolish insects...I will destroy you ALL!" She rose her arm, and slammed her hand on the surface of the planet, destroying New Jersey. "Quick, everyone...back into the MGZEDTD!" screamed Seff over the sounds of hurricanes and tidal waves about to crash down upon them. Everyone piled inside, and Dino asked Hate how he had escaped from Astaran. Hate explained that (----TEXT MISSING----) "Wow! What a lucky break!" said Dino. The MGZEDTD took off and orbited the Earth, as Astaran continued to ravage the planet. "We've got to get Archmage out of Astaran, and recover his Nidas, so we can have his crucial help to destroy her," spoke Who intelligently. "But how?" asked Kai. "There's only one thing to do. Hold on, guys!" said Dino. The MGZEDTD gathered speed and approached Astaran. "What are you doing, tiny creatures?" she spoke. Dino aimed the MGZEDTD right for Astaran's eye, and it punctured the surface...as the MGZEDTD entered Astaran's skull... NEXT EPISODE: /<-Rad Voyage Wha..? Name: Archmage #129 Date: 10:09 pm Tue Oct 31, 1989 The MGEDTD passed thru Astaran's skull only to find a vaccume on the inside. "Oh, great. Now we have nothing to attack." said Kai. Seff looked at the scanners. "I detect a minute life force located at the center of the cavern." he reported. "I'm gonna manuver the MGEDTD to intercept it." Halfway there, someone knocked on the hatch. Archmage let himself in, wiping his boots on the doormat. "Great things, these CADS-1 Energy sabers." He re-sheathed the arm blades that protruded from his Cyclone's arms, and returned it to cycle mode. "Slices even thru Asraran's thick skull! But I still need to find the Nidas." Soon, the MGEDTD was within visual range of the object. They looked out the windows, only to see a large psychadellic gem floating alongside the Nidas. A small, withered, faceless form had the objects in his hands. Mikey A had control of the SoulGem, the Nidas, and Astaran. Inside the soulgem, Booji Boy's form could be seen struggling to get out. "HahaAHAHAHaHAa! FooLLS! NoW I WIlL COmbINe ThESe POwer GeMs INto OnE MEga-GEm and I WIll Be ALl-POweRFUl!" The Paradisians watched as the jewels merged... Gul na iluveheru, __ , __ -|A|- rchmage Cont. Name: Booji Boy #8 Date: 11:04 pm Tue Oct 31, 1989 The two stones were joined together. There was a loud crashing sound and a brilliant white light. Booji Boy's soul was released and was starting to take shape as a human. Flesh seemed to be materializing out of the air,as his body was formed. And in the distance,the song "The Touch" could be heard. Booji Boy was now 100% mutant,again. A mutant that held Archmages Nidas. "Now bitch, have a dose of real power!" Booji Boy took the Nidas and smashed it on his skull. Surges of Electricity flowed freely from it, hitting her nerves and all the other nasty things inside of her. "Know! Yo Kanknot Dees-troy mie des-tiny!" With that, Astaran started to explode. There was a groaning sound, Name: Doctor Who #62 Date: 11:58 am Wed Nov 01, 1989 and the MGZEDTD turned around. The TARDIS crashed through it's roof, and the Paradisians, all of them, broke out of Astaran's nostril. After wiping off the shnot (sp), they noticed that Astaran had exploded. The force of the explosion sent them around the world 19 times! They ended up in the most unlikely place: (ACCESS DENIED), the place where Jayce works. He was thee, back to "normal" (haha). "There"-^^^ He said to the group, who had left the MGEDTD outside, "Congratulations. You have finally destroyed Astaran and A. You can now continue with your lives." There was a long-awaited GTG on the 11th, and they all celebrated with Cheap0-Videeos (whatever they are), Light guns, AD&D, and apple juice on the rocks. They all went about with their lives. The story seemed finally over. The group had finished their work. Dino and crew went on with their band. Basil went somewhere quiet. The Art Museum. The Doc and K-9 took the TARDIS out to some planet. It was there that the two of them felt a sense of disaster. So did all the other Paradisians. There was a flash of light, and loud noise, and the next thing they knew, the Paradisians, the TARDIS, the MGEDTD, and a coconut were in a room. The room was empty except for a door to the north. A voice rung out. "I'M BAAAAAAAA-AAAACK!" __ _||__ / <> /| ----+ | |DR.|/| |WHO||| |_|_|/ The voice was the unmistakable one belonging to... ... Name: Basil #9 Date: 3:27 pm Wed Nov 01, 1989 ...JIM BAKER!!!!!!!! Argh! Name: Archmage #129 Date: 8:59 pm Wed Nov 01, 1989 Not him! Nooooo.... Archmage took out his Psycho-Nidas. "We have to leave before Tammy manages to put on her make-up and join her evil counterpart. AZField Up!" Gul na iluveheru, __ , __ -|A|- rchmage "Dammit! Name: The Kai Lord #69 Date: 6:09 pm Thu Nov 02, 1989 ...how'd he get out jail. Did Zsa Zsa break out too? <-- Kai --> "Horror the thought!" Name: Archmage #129 Date: 6:39 pm Thu Nov 02, 1989 They piled into the MGEDTD, and took the Tardis with them. Once inside, they took off and set the randomizer for landing, so that not even the forces of Evil would know where they were. Archmage spoke up. "Who's here? Sound off!" "Archmage." "Dinosaur." "Seff." "Booji Boy." "Der, huh? Oh, Zonker's here, dudes." (As if the smell of weed didn't tell.) "Hate." "Dr. Who, and K-9." "Kai Lord." Right, anyone else that wants to be in for another zany adventure in the Lost Cause Bored Crusade, part III? Gul na iluveheru, __ , __ -|A|- rchmage Speak now or forever hold yer Name: Doctor Who #62 Date: 9:07 pm Thu Nov 02, 1989 peace. I get the title page: The Paradisians, Part III: The Return of Mikey A This Time, They're on HIS Turf. While sounding off, they noticed that the TARDIS had landed on a bleak planet. However, the outside chill reminded them all of one place: Planet A. __ _||__ / <> /| ----+ | |DR.|/| |WHO||| |_|_|/ "Planet A?" asked Dino. Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 9:56 pm Thu Nov 02, 1989 "But we destroyed this just a few months ago! Uh oh...we've gone too far back in time. We HAVE to find a vacation spot! Destroying all these intergalactic criminals is hard work! Let's find some isolated planetoid with a bearable atmosphere, pink seas, and gorgeous babes...and have some FUN!" suggested Zonker. "ALRIGHT!" the others screamed in unison, which wasn't so uncanny anymore. In any case, they all piled in the GodzEDTD, and set the dials for "The Paradisian Planetoid," which was created by Jayce to keep his users happy when the system first went up. It had something to offer everyone...and a little bit more...! Suspense...action...fresh fruit...! Cont. Name: Booji Boy #8 Date: 10:20 pm Thu Nov 02, 1989 There, they all lived in Harmony..getting great deals from Jaycey's company. 'Till one day Jayce just couldn't take it anymore. "Damn you guys! First you've ruined my board,and now you ruin my tropical Paradise! What do you think this is,Gilligin's Island?" Just then,Mrs. Howell ran by very quickly. She was all hyped up on Radioactive Sugarbeats. "I'm sick of you freeloading off me! Get out of my world!" Yelled Jayce. "Dude, Chill. We are just living in piece and harmony like the way God intended us to." said Zonker as he injected some Radioactive waste into his arm. "Then,I'll have to take you out by force!" With that,the ground started to shake and a platform was raised. On the platform were 1000 Prince Clones. "Prince Clones, ATTACK!"... ATTENTION_______________ Name: The Red Rider #81 Date: 6:17 pm Fri Nov 03, 1989 Be On The Look Out For: JIM BAKKER: SEX FIEND,EMBEZLER,AND A BAD LIAR LIONA HELMSLY: GENERAL BITCH ZSA ZSA GABOR:COCK SLAPPER If you see these criminals SHOOT on sight. Have a nice day. "HOLY SHIT" Yelled the Name: Doctor Who #62 Date: 7:01 pm Fri Nov 03, 1989 paradisians in unison. They all had a quick huddle, and figured that they were outnumbered by about 100 to 1. They did the only thing they could think of: They entered the xfer section. __ _||__ / <> /| ----+ | |DR.|/| |WHO||| |_|_|/ Xfer us out of here! Name: Archmage #129 Date: 10:49 am Sat Nov 04, 1989 "Right! If Jayce is attacking us, we'll just have to hit back. And we know where his base of operations is - Prepare for a D/L to the Camera Shop!" cried Dino. And thru use of his digitizer, the crew entered the maze of telephone lines and wound up at... Gul na iluveheru, __ , __ -|A|- rchmage (Happy E-day, Matt!) "E-day"??? Name: Doctor Who #62 Date: 2:46 pm Sat Nov 04, 1989 ...wound up at Jaycey's workplace. However, thru some weird way, he was no longer jayce. Jayceyfishy was back. __ _||__ / <> /| ----+ | |DR.|/| |WHO||| |_|_|/ Dammit. Name: The Kai Lord #69 Date: 3:11 pm Sat Nov 04, 1989 siad Kai. "What the fuck is this? Why does everything keep happening ove and over again?" "We must be caught in time loop, " Said Doc. "We must be caught in a time loop." "We must be caught in a time loop." "We must be caught in a time loop." "We must be caught in a time loop." "We must be caught in a time loop." "We must be caught in a time loop." "We must be caught in a time loop." "We must be caught in a time loop." "We must be caught in a time loop." "We must be caught in a time loop." "We must be caught in a time loop." <-- Kai -->[C "We must be caught... Name: Basil #9 Date: 4:04 pm Sat Nov 04, 1989 ...OWWWW!" yelleped the Doc, "Why the fuck'd ya do that?" "Hey man, my turntable skips too sometimes," replied Zonker, "And alls ya gotta do is give `er a good swack to get things going right again. Watch out though, I think I see a dikfer coming." "What's a dikfer?" asked Doc "Well, it's a kind of alien herbivorous creature with long antlers and cloven hooves." said Zonker, "and the rest of you, get your minds out of the gutter!" and so... Name: The Kamikaze Kat #11 Date: 6:07 pm Sat Nov 04, 1989 they attempted to find the gutter in which their minds were lost, but to no avail, for their minds were really lost in a cerebral vortex some 400,000 light-years from the camera shop, which was coincidentally in the same galaxy as the planet of the plotless and utterly banal stories.... and so they travelled there, but they were already there, they just orbited the planet a few times (planet plotless is amazingly big, due to the enormous amount of classical literature that is located there) and crash landed. They crash landed... Name: Black Adder #3 Date: 6:59 pm Sat Nov 04, 1989 ...in the Willow Grove Mall, just outside a place called Tuerkes (often referred to as Turkeys). They brushed themselves off, laughed at some geeky kid who was working there, and walked down the hall to the Camera Shop. Staring in the demo window, they watched the goofy demo of Jayce's eyes going back and forth on the Mac and cautiously stepped inside. "We'd better be careful, this could be dangerous!", warned Dinosaur. Suddenly a familiar voice sounded from behind: "It doesn't matter. We're all going to die anyway, so what's the point?" They turned. It was their fellow user, Black Adder, cutting his Intro. To Sociology class and hanging out at the mall, depressed as usual... "Why do you guys... Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 8:41 pm Sat Nov 04, 1989 ...continue this utterly useless, meaningless, and plotless story?" Adder depressified. "Don't you realize that you're all going to be worm food?" The instant Adder stopped talking, Kai took one of his fifty convenient sabres on his belt and stabbed himself with it. He fell to the floor, bleeding profusely. "Stop it, Adder!" screamed Dinosaur. Booji Boy took his "Devo at the Palace" CD and jammed it into his stomach. He rubbed it back and forth quickly, and blood started to spew forth. "Adder, you're depressing everyone TOO MUCH!" yelled Dino. Doctor Who impaled himself on K-9. "ADDER!!!" shouted Dino franatically. Archmage jammed the Nidas in his mouth. Quickly, Dino took out a quarter and stuck it in one of those conveniently placed shopping bag machines and yanked a bag off, then placed it over Adder's head and shoulders. "Quickly, Seff! This bag won't hold back his depression for very long! We've got to rig up an AbsorboDepression field around Adder so he doesn't hurt anyone!" "Oh, why bother," Adder mumbled. "We're all dead meat." Zarco made a SINGLE INTELLIGENT post on the advantages of cremation over burial. "HURRY, SEFF! IT'S GETTING WORSE!" Then... Name: Black Adder #3 Date: 11:29 am Sun Nov 05, 1989 ...the BBC saw this, and decided that this was much too violent for young children to be exposed to, and especially that the part about Doctor Who committing suicide would be a bad influence on the thousands or children to whom he was considered a hero. So the censors took up the story, editied out the extremely violent suicide scenes, caused the Doctor to regenerate, and spliced the whole thing back together, so that all the viewers saw was several characters lying on the ground for inexplicable reasons, and likewise the Doctor regenerating for unknown reasons as well. This of course made no sense to the viewers, but that's the BBC for you! The paper bag was still over Adder's head. "Death...I see blackness all around me...", he moaned. "Seff! Is that anti-depression device done yet?" yelled Dinosaur, frantically. "Just a microsecond...there!" "That was close! Even though the almighty Beeb prevented the rest of us from committing suicide, I still was kind of worried. Now lets turn it on..." Suddenly the cool blue atmosphere around Black Adder was replaced by a sort of cottony pink fluff, and lollipops appeared and began floating around his head. "Seff! I know we wanted something happier to negate the depressiveness, but couldn't you have toned it down a bit? Gak! This is terrible! Too sweet! But at least there isn't any caramel in it." "That was what it took, Matthew. I had to turn it up full power." "Well, we can live with it, I suppose..." Archmage looked at the Doc Name: Doctor Who #62 Date: 3:18 pm Sun Nov 05, 1989 and suddenly gave out a cry. When the Doc stood up, he looked different. He had regenerated. "Dammit," he said, "and i was only 625 years old!" "HUH!??!" said the others. "Oh, nothing." Adder was now dancing with a nearby plant. Things were getting off the subject when a voice was heard. "nOw Yuu WIll diEEE!!!" __ _||__ / <> /| ----+ | |DR.|/| |WHO||| |_|_|/ And then you did Name: The Red Rider #81 Date: 3:59 pm Sun Nov 05, 1989 "Ack!" Name: Archmage #129 Date: 5:01 pm Mon Nov 06, 1989 "Dammit! We can never get away from that fool Mikey Astaran!" Dino armed the video digitizer and hooked it up to a nearby video camera. "Where is he - I'll film him 'till he's Dino Droppings!" "We're in trouble," began the newly regenerated Doctor, who was still a tad befuddled. "There are 1000 Prince Clones outside, and they want to preform 'Batdance'!" "Um, how about a hasty retreat?" ofered Archmage, removing the crystal from his throat. At that moment, Mikey Astaran began misspelling "Cult of Personality" and the Clones began to laugh like the Joker. "Good God! They're creating a disharmonic distortion zone! Quick - everyone run for the MGEDTD!" But too late, it was shattered by the awful blend of noises. "Run! Run for your life!" screamed Dino. And outside, Dent had just gotten off work, and was preparing to go home. He took the Heart of Gold out of his pocket, and... Gul na iluveheru, __ , __ -|A|- rchmage somehow... Name: The Kai Lord #69 Date: 7:16 pm Mon Nov 06, 1989 ....got it started. "Hmm..." the almighty co-sysop wondered. "Where have all of the users here gone?" Meanwhile, the group made a hasty retreat towards the MGEDTD, but were soo n cut off by a number of Prince Clones, and threatening to paint of their faces white. "DAmn it, "screamed Kai, "If I only had my SDPS we'd be out of this mess real fast." "SDPS?" asked Doc, still slighty confused. "Super Dooper Pooper Scooper." answered Kai. <-- Kai --> While the Doc was recovering Name: Doctor Who #62 Date: 10:01 pm Mon Nov 06, 1989 from Post-Regeneration Amnesia, he and the gang were dealing with the prince clones. "What are we gonna do?" came a voice which was a new voice. "Mini! Yer back! At least, for now" screamed Archy. Meanwhile, the paradisians were trapped. They wer pretty pissed, cuz they had finally planned a GTG, and were gonna die first. All hope seemed lost when suddenly, a vehicle blasted through the roof. The paradisians and the TARDIS and the MGEDTD were scooped up. It was one of Kai's SDPS, turned into a vehicle. __ _||__ / <> /| ----+ | |DR.|/| |WHO||| |_|_|/ "Yes!" Name: The Kai Lord #69 Date: 11:29 am Tue Nov 07, 1989 ....."I KNow that you have long been awaiting the arrival of my long list SDPS!" cried kai. "No where ya heading?" <-- Kai --> "If only we knew!" Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 10:06 pm Tue Nov 07, 1989 "We have no storyline...no plot...no ANYTHING!" exclaimed Booji. "We're just a bunch of Spud Boys from O-Hi-O wandering around aimlessly!" "Then we'll have to do what any true computer hacker and pirate would do," offered Dino. "We'll STEAL someone else's plot! Just watch this..." Dino took out the oscillation supercharger from his pocket that he had acquired from a Dinosaucers episode when they were trapped in TV land, many eons ago. He tossed it onto the ground, and it began to sputter. Sparks flew from the box, a hand crank on the side began to turn itself, and a radar dish on top projected a purple beam into the sky. A huge tornado erupted from the beam, and the Paradisians were sucked over the rainbow... *** Archmage opened his eyes slowly. He saw Booji, Doctor Who, and Hate lying on the ground behind him. He sat up and nudged the others awake. They were sitting on what appeared to be the beginning of a green brick road. "Where are we?" asked Booji. "Oh no! Dino's turned the story into some sort of Wizard of Oz clone! He and the others must be trapped in the story somewhere! We have to find them!" A glowing ball descended from the sky, and a sleek female dinosaur emerged from the sphere. "I am the Good Lizard of Oz. Can I help you?" "Yeah," said Doctor Who. "We need to see the head of this place." Suddenly, little JrathaBabies poured out from the nearby bushes and danced around the Paradisians. They sang: You must follow the Green Scale Path But as you go along Steer clear of Wicked Rex's wrath And you will not go wrong The JrathaBabies then scattered back into the bushed, and the Good Lizard rose back into the heavens. "Well, let's get started," said Hate. "I just wish I had a nitro-injected 20,000 CC diesel engine to..." Next Episode: The Lizard of Oz OZ Cont. Name: Booji Boy #8 Date: 11:00 pm Tue Nov 07, 1989 Just then in a puff of white smoke. Appeared The Wicked Witch of the West. "Who landed that thing on my cat,Strwberry?" Cackled the Witch. "Oh GOD! GOD NO!" Screamed Dinosaur. "That Witch, she's Astaran!" Just then The Witch Astaran started to punch Booji Boy all over his body,especially the one area she always liked. His groin area. "I'll be watching you Dinosaur. And at the moment when you are alone I'll kill you!" stated Astaran. "haha I'll get you my pretty. And your little dog too!" "His name isn't too, it's toto!" replied Dinosaur. With that, Astaran disappeared in a puff of smoke. "What do we do now?" asked Dr. Who... Suddenly... Name: Black Adder #3 Date: 10:00 am Wed Nov 08, 1989 ...they all heard a loud growl. They turned around and saw that Astaran had left behind something for them - the most vicious of her servant cats, Oreo! She leaped toward Dinosaur and bounded on him. Dino blew a whistle and out of the ETDT came the great white Zippy! Zippy lept at Oreo and bowled her over, burying and smothering her under his massive white furry form. After a few minutes Zippy got up and Oreo was gone! He gave a confused purr and went back into the EDTD to get some tuna fish. Then they all noticed that there was something else left where the two cats were fighting...a note... ... Name: Basil #9 Date: 1:43 pm Wed Nov 08, 1989 ...and so Kendar set his staff down by the fire. "What do you think about all of this?" asked Biltho. "Sounds like a load of shit to me." replied Kendar, "but ya never know, I mean, maybe someone will make a little sense... Nah." "So what man, like, you wanna brew?" "Sure, why not." Biltho tossed Kendar an ice cold Sam Adams and they sat down and discussed the properties of beer foam, which was imminently more sensible than taking part in a ridiculous and booring story. "Dammit..." Name: The Kai Lord #69 Date: 7:20 pm Wed Nov 08, 1989 "Those little shits left me behind again..." muttered Kai, looking at his map of the known universe, "Now where the hell did they go?" <-- Kai --> Whatnot. Name: Archmage #129 Date: 8:07 pm Wed Nov 08, 1989 "Knowing those bums, they aren't in the known universe." grumblewd Kai. "Jeeze, can't make it to the GTG, and they dump ya totally. Oh well." he dumped himself into the nearest Black Hole to follow the group outside of reality. Meanwhile, in Oz, where the great city of the Lizard of Oz was visible in the backround from every scene just like a cheap school play, the fragments of the Paradisians began to gravitate towards the main city. Little did they know, that 1000 Prince clones were close behind, warping the (in)reality into a form of "The Wiz"... Gul na iluveheru, __ , __ -|A|- rchmage "Why don't we take the ArchLabrynth - it connects all storylines, remember?" "That would ruin the plot we already have. Heros never take the simple answer - they have to do it dramatically. And Dino would kill oyu, Archy." "Oh, yeah. Right." We're Off to See the Lizard Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 10:58 pm Wed Nov 08, 1989 Dino, Doctor Who, Booji, and Archmage walked along the Green Scale Path for a while, and came across Kai, who had just come through a black hole, only to be crucified on the side of the road. "Get away from me, you birds," screamed the Kaicrow as large black crows began to eat away his stuffing. "Eat air, mammals!" screamed Dino as he pulled out his AZG and blasted a few fine-feathered fiends. Doctor Who helped Kai off his crucifix, and he joined the group down the Road. They came to a dark and dismal forest. Hearing rustling in the bushes, they all huddled in the middle of the Path. Suddenly, ZonkerLion jumped out and ran behind the group, cowering. "Yeeeow! Help me! There's a narcotics officer on my tail, dude!" A Miami Vice-type person walked towards the group. "I only asked him if he had the correct time." Confused, the cop walked away. Further down the Green Scale Path, they met the Tin Adder. With a few squirts of oil, he moved his mouth and said, "Oh, why did you have to go and do that for. I was perfectly miserable being the way I was. Well, you'll all die soon anyway, so that's some consolation." "C'mon, you guys...we have to get to the Lizard before The White Witch gets to us..." said Dino. "Too late, lizard!" said Astaran from atop a tree. "How's about a little fire, Kaicrow!" She lauched a fireball... WOW! Name: Hate #10 Date: 2:11 am Thu Nov 09, 1989 Miraculasly a space-time vortex opened at that instant and sucked the fireball to unimaginable corners of the universe saving Kai from immenent destruction. "That wil not stoppe me, fyyls!", Astaran screamed as she launched another fireball at Kai. [MEANWHILE] A space-time vortex opened onto a strange land. Blitho and Kendar had enough of their wits after drinking incredible amounts of cheap beer to realize that their destruction was inevitable. Blitho had just gasped "dude..." as a mighty fireball engulfed him and his moronic friend, thus extinguising another irrevelent and stupid tangent this story took a few posts back. [MEANWHILE] The fireball continued it's short path towards Kai... We are sorry to interupt... Name: Basil #9 Date: 4:37 pm Thu Nov 09, 1989 ...this story, but a major inacuracy in the above post has caused the officials to render it invalid. Case in point, the term "Cheap beer" is applied to Sam Adams lager, one of the most expensive, and in any case, the best, beers in America or anywhere else. This is a major falicy and just goes to show that some people know nothing about beer. We now return to the story (such as it is) in progress. "Hey you guys, is that Sam Adams?" asked Zonker, having wandered into this tangent. "Sure, we got several cases, a beer to be sipped and savored my friend. Why don't you join us?" replied Kendar. "Sounds good to me, that whole story was getting to ridiculous for me anyway. Wait A minute while I put up my anti-Hate shield, this will protect us from being incinerated by the other characters." "Good idea compadre, here, have a brew." said Thoril as he passed Zonker an ice cold SA. And with that they returned to their study of beer foam, which as we have determined, is imminently more sensible than taking part in a silly and booring story. Ignore that last post... Name: Doctor Who #62 Date: 7:16 pm Thu Nov 09, 1989 the fireball sped toward Kaicrow. Archy grabbed the oil can, and quickly squirted the fireball. Since this is an unreal world, it put out the fire. Then the doc took out his sonic screwdriver and blasted astaran. He was pissed cuz he couldn't get to the GTG. On down the road, they cam e to a field of flowers. Poppies. They were all starting to feel sleepy, when they suddenly realized that the oscillation supercharger was glowing. There was a brief glimpse of a lizard in a ballon, then all of a sudden... * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Dino, Doc, Hate, and Seff were walking along a path. A white rabbit holding a stopwatch ran into a hole. Like the idiots they were, they followed it. The next they knew, they were falling, falling, but slowly. Furniture floated by, until they saw... __ _||__ / <> /| ----+ | |DR.|/| |WHO||| |_|_|/ "If I only had a brain..." Name: The Kai Lord #69 Date: 9:31 pm Thu Nov 09, 1989 "...la dee dum..." sang Kaicrow as he fell peacefully to sleep next to Zonker in the field on Poppies. For some reason the flower had NO effect on Zonker whatsoever, perhaps because he had built up a tolerance? Who knows, however, he soon began to also sing a merry song and went to gather as many of those little poppies as he could... <-- Kai --> Di-Versions Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 10:49 pm Thu Nov 09, 1989 {It seems that the story has gone into several directions at once. Strange...} While the others napped and a white rabbit ran into a hole in the field of poppies, Zonker gathered the narcotic flowers in earnest. Then, an image of the Good Lizard was superimposed on the picture, and a light snow began to fall, awakening the sleeping Paradisans. "Hey, you scaly whore! You just ruined my poppies!" yelled Zonker as the superimposure faded away. Kaicrow, the Tin Adder, and the Zonkery Lion began to make their way to the Chlorophyllic City on the backdrop, when The Great Seff dropped from the sky in a balloon. "Help me, you mammals! Unless you can get Astaran's Speak 'n' Spell away from her and bring it to me, I'm stuck in this lousy balloon! Aaah..." he said as he rose back into the air towards the Chlorophyllic City. Suddenly, Dinosaur emerged from the hole with small bits of white fluff hanging from his mouth. "Hey," asked Tin Adder, "what happened to that pathetic feeble little white rabbit?" Amazingly, Edgar Allen Poe appeared, complete with desk, bird stand, and raven. "Somebody ate the little white rabbit. I wonder who?" said Poe. Quoth the Raven, "Dinosaur." WOW! Name: Hate #10 Date: 2:29 am Fri Nov 10, 1989 Unexplicably, the Raven took off at an alarming rate of speed. It had a mission. It sensed an incredible pocket of stupidity, and needed to annhilate it (Unknown to most, this is what ravens do best...). The raven chanced to find the great Lizard of Oz for down the pathway, and convinced the manto send him into the demense of beer-drinking-buffons. The Lizard gladly obliged since he hated beer, and rather enjoyed watching fat beer bellied druggies have thier brains torn asunder by strange black birds of prey. Whe the raven had appeared in this dimension, it noticed a strange phenomenon. creatures were the exact heigt of their intelligence. The bird towered above a few puny humans who looked like they were staring at the foam on top of tiny mugs of piss. They were all sitting around a miniscule fire doing absolutely nothing, when one of the midgets remarked "HEY! It doesn't get any better than this!" The rest of the tiny men nodded their approval as they sank back into the silence the had been in for the last 4 days, while studying tiny glasses of piss colored water. The bird had had enough of this idiocy, and squashed they life out of the inconsequential weenies with one sweep of it's gigantic clawed foot. Satisfied, the bird returned to his own universe, and his tree. The bird noticed how the people below got along, and thought how giant they would be in the world he had just visited. "Hey, that bird that said 'Dinosaur' just flew back," observed Kai. "Yeah, I wonder what it meant," pondered Archmage. The restof the crowd of respectable, non-alchoholic users looked up in time to see the raven quote "Dinosaur." Meanwhile... Name: Basil #9 Date: 4:59 pm Sat Nov 11, 1989 ...Thoril, Kendar and Zonker watched as the rest of the paradise crew grew stranger and stranger. "You know guys," remarked Basil as he slowly sipped his Sam Adams, "All those other guys seem to be seeing giant ravens, chlorophylic Cities, green lizards, big white rabbits and all maner of other strange things. Kind of seems to me that they're all dosing. Glad that we don't do that stuff." "Quite right old boy," said Kendar who was sipping a Guiness, "Good thing we stay away from those druggies eh. Now as I was saying, on page 119 of The Republic, Plato writes, `And what happens? if he do nothing else, and holds no converse with the Muses, does not even that intelligence which there may be in him, having no taste of any sort of learning or enquiry or thought or culture, grow feeble and dull and blind, his mind never waking up or receiving nourishment, and his senses not being purged of their mists?' I think that the point is well made here." "I would agree, for we have only to look to Voltaire `We must cultivate our garden' and he meant not just the watermelon and carots, but the peas and beans as well" replied Thoril, who had just uncorked a fine 67 Chateau La Cousil. "I quite agree," said Basil, "Balance is the key to it all. If one is to excell at anything, one must excell at all things with equanimity." Pardon me... Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 5:29 pm Sat Nov 11, 1989 ...but green lizards and big white rabbits don't sound very strange to me. Really! Name: Archmage #129 Date: 5:42 pm Sat Nov 11, 1989 I've seen them before - haven't you? Gul na iluveheru, __ , __ -|A|- rchmage "Curiouser and Curoiuser!" "White Rabbit" Name: Basil #9 Date: 12:55 am Sun Nov 12, 1989 "One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small, but the opnes that mother gives you don't do anything at all" oh... Name: Black Adder #3 Date: 12:29 pm Sun Nov 12, 1989 ...go feed your head. "Of course, these days when we sing 'feed your head`, we mean go read a good book." Sure. I actually do like that song sometimes, though. AHEM...AHEM... Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 1:22 pm Sun Nov 12, 1989 Suddenly, The Wicked White Witch appeared. "Heh heh heh! With my Speak 'n' Spell, I can properly spell all the nasty things I'm going to do to your fools!" "That's it!" whipsered Dinosaur. "If we can get that Speak 'n' Spell away from her, she will be POWERLESS! Although I could have sworn she had a Franklin Ace speller that did the thinking for her..." "Quiet, Paradisians! Now, what should I do to you all. I know! Zonker, you will be banished to AA! Dino-sore, you will be banished to a planet identical to Earth except that dinosaurs never existed there! Adder, you will be banished to The Planet of Eternal Happiness! Go NOW!" With a flash of light, Zonker, Dinosaur, and Adder disappeared. "Now...what to do with the REST of you!" *** Zonker tried to sit up, but was restrained in his hospital bed. "Now, now, Zonker," comforted a nearby ugly nurse. "Those were some bad DT's you had last night. Just take it easy..." *** Dinosaur succeeded in sitting up. He was in a library. Thinking of what Astaran had said, he looked for books on dinosaurs. There weren't any! The paleontology books completely skipped the Jurassic period... *** Adder didn't want to sit up. of course.... Name: The Kamikaze Kat #11 Date: 2:25 pm Sun Nov 12, 1989 just that moment a super nova (which has the annoying habit of appearing spontaneously, especially on ceilings in Cheep0 VDoZ) collided with the plot of this story (that is, a black hole), causing all 3 planets to spin towards eachother at a rate of 66^6 lightyears, causing an time-axis flux and.... ....zapped everything back... Name: The Kai Lord #69 Date: 4:34 pm Sun Nov 12, 1989 ...to the time of the previous post... <-- Kai --> Hey... Name: Basil #9 Date: 11:05 pm Sun Nov 12, 1989 ...were you at the concert, or did I post that before? I don't remember. Meanwhile... "Hey Zonk," said Thoril, "Get a load of this, they got at least one clone of you stuck in the hospital with DTs." "Geez," replied Zonker, "Why can't they get it straight, now that my blood is 100%LSD, I don't GET DTs. What a looney story, now where was I, oh yes. Now, I believe it was Telemachus who brought forth the notion that an artist can not make a mistake, because in that one instant that he is making a mistake, he is not truly an artist. Now, I'm not so sure I agree with what Plato is saying here." "Well Zonker," said Kendar as he sipped from his snifter of cognac, "The essential problem with that statement is that it's all goal oriented. It assumes that an artist is one who creates art, and as such in his mistake the artist does not creat art and is not a true artist. However, if we apply this theory to a more conventional definition of the term artist, we will discover that an artist is not necessarily one who makes art, but one who's goal is to make art, and as such even in the act of making a mistake his goal remains the same and thus he is still an artist." "I think that you're both missing an important factor," said Thoril, "Everything you say relates to result, not process. If we define an artist as one who is in the process of making art, with no specific goal intended. That is, an individual who is concerned only with the act of creation, and not with the artistic qualities of what is actually created we will see that..." WHEW! Name: Hate #10 Date: 12:56 am Mon Nov 13, 1989 And Basil calls *OUR* posts boring... No, they are just long Name: The Red Rider #81 Date: 2:27 pm Mon Nov 13, 1989 Meanwhile... Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 5:26 pm Mon Nov 13, 1989 Booji noticed that Astaran had left behind Dinosaur's Bag-O-Triks. He opened the bag, threw out the various Dinosaucer tapes, the inflatable vibrating dinosaurs, Zippy his cat, and his AZG. The last thing in the bag was a bulk tape demagnetizer. He grabbed it, plugged it into his Instant Outlet, and then approached the White Witch. Before she could spell out what she was going to say on her Speak 'n' Spell, the Booj turned it on over the evil spelling device. The incredibly powerful alternating magnetic field wiped out the integrated circuits inside the dark Texas Instruments device, and the machine fizzled and died. "Know! Kno!! U kanknot defeet myi! Aaahgyhh! Ey''m mehltyngh! O wot a woild, wot a woild..." stuttered Astaran as she melted away. Instantly, Dinosaur, Zonker, and Adder reappeared. "Let's get the fuck OUT OF THIS LOUSY STORY!" screamed Dinosaur as he took the Speak 'n' Spell from Booj and threw it into the air. It punctured the red balloon suspending The Great Lizard (Seff) and exploded with such force that the Paradisians were flung out of that StoryVerse and landed...believe it or not...in the REAL world. The precise location? A 7-Eleven at the corner of Street and Maple Avenues in lovely downtown Suburbia... Dammit... Name: The Kai Lord #69 Date: 7:20 pm Mon Nov 13, 1989 ...Kai announced as he finally arose from his nap, "WHERE THE F*CK IS EVERYBODY?" <-- Kai --> Suddenly, there was a huge Name: Doctor Who #62 Date: 8:51 pm Mon Nov 13, 1989 voice booming out. It was jaycey. He said, "All must re-commence. Hahaha." There was a 7-11. All the Paradisians were in a Huge winnebago, filled with food, VCRs, modems, and themselves. They had set up a goal. To tour the known universe. How? By slowly mingling into the storyverse. The Winnebago held that much cuz it was the TARDIS. Their first goal...Cleveland, Ohio. Now that there were no more white rabbits, etc, they could live in peace. doc Thank god that mess of the last 13 posts is over. Suddenly... Name: Basil #9 Date: 11:46 am Tue Nov 14, 1989 ...Jayce's HD crashed, and everyone was thrown into oblivion. "Interesting twist Zonk," said Kendar, "Where'd it come from." "Need you ask," replied Zonker as he sipped his electric koolaid Basil The End. Name: Booji Boy #8 Date: 11:59 am Tue Nov 14, 1989 Name: Dinosaur #16 Date: 5:03 pm Tue Nov 14, 1989 This concludes "The Paradisians," a story written by the users of Computer Paradise. Special thanks to Archmage, Adder, Booji Boy, Doctor Who, Hate, Basil, The Kai Lord, Zarco, Seff, Cera, Littlefoot, Mr. Potato-Head, Mr. Rice-A-Roni, Zonker, Blitho, Kendar, Edgar Allen Poe, a furry white rabbit, Godzilla, Mechagodzilla, Jayce, Jayceyfishy, F. L. Y. N. N., Psychedelic Cera, Stark Moustachea, The Eleventh Dimensional Beings, Father Christian, and Dinosaur. Special hatred is extended to Mikey A, Astaran, and albinos everywhere. Thank you, and goodnight. P.S. The complete transcript of this story (from the point of Mikey A's first demise on the planet A) is available on BBS's everywhere. Approximate length: 125K. ----------END OF LINE-----------? |
Author: | Yakitate [ Thu Jan 29, 2009 6:07 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The ORIGINAL Story Bored from 1989 |
So... I've read half of the story so far and stopped there for the time being. I may come back to read more of it at a later time. ^^; Going from there, it's interesting what you 'furs' did for fun back in the day. Some crazy crap and why 'The Land Before Time'? Was it the 'in' thing back then? On a separate note, do you still keep in contact with your buddies to this day? i.e Boojiboy, Dr. Who, etc. Just curious. ![]() |
Author: | Dinosorceror [ Thu Jan 29, 2009 9:25 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The ORIGINAL Story Bored from 1989 |
Wow...no, I don't think any of them could be called 'furs', really. ![]() |
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