Or wait...actually, 1990. It's the Story Bored that's from 1989. And no, Khith...not the Story Bored that's on the LD5 website. Oh, no. This is from pre-history. Pre-Lava-Dome. Pre-HML. Pre-Internet.
Okay, so maybe the Internet existed, but no one was on it except for uber-geeks. And how you accessed it was through this: a BBS (bulletin board system). For those of you who weren't even born in 1990, a BBS was what people with computers and these things called "modems" used. No, not a cable modem or a DSL modem. A MODEM modem. 2400 bits per second was the SHIT, baby! Of course, my first modem was only 300 baud, though. Yeah, actually, that's right. It's not quite bits per second, it was baud.
See, in pre-history times like these, people used to host BBS's at their houses or workplaces. A BBS was someone's computer running BBS software and having one or if they were REALLY fancy multiple modem lines. Think of a BBS as the precursor to the forum. You'll note the term "bulletin board" is still used when referring to forum software. One big difference is that people were used to waiting. They waited for computers to load, for games to load, and for BBS lines to be free. Yep, one person dialing into a one-line BBS meant that all the other hundreds of users had to wait.
Anyway, this BBS in question was called Computer Paradise. I didn't run it (although I ran several of my own, some of which were named Lava Dome III), but it was one of the BBS's I joined that had a nice group of friends, and this was before I ran my own, so this is where the DinoCrew(tm) hung out.
Anyway anyway, a member of that BBS who went by the name of Doctor Who actually has some text files of postings, including something very special...the very first Story Bored that was ever created. But first, here's a snippet of a post I made in 1990 which he also saved in which I spoke of the DinoCrew(tm), the infamous moniker given to my group of close personal friends:
Code:
53/60: ATTENTION
Name: Dinosaur #16
Date: 8:49 pm Thu Apr 12, 1990
And now 6.02e23 words from the President, Founder, and God of the
DinoCrew...Matt Dinosaur.
Greetings, greetings, fellow stargazers. Now, it seems that you're all
wondering: exactly what benefits do you get for being in the DinoCrew? Glad
you asked. There are precisely 11 benefits which you are eligible for.
1. Free trips to 11-D
2. Battery acid (tea)
3. Chocolate
4. Free trips to 11-D
5. Opportunities to color in official DinoCrew coloring books
6. Discounts on the O'Boy line of products
7. Free trips to 11-D
8. One 11-D representative small plastic dinosaur
9. A vial of 11-D "Substance"
10. Death by mercurial poisoning
11. Free trips to 11-D
Happy? Good. Now, to apply for membership to the DinoCrew, send $29.95
(+ $3 S/H) to:
I'm Giving Money To Get Into The DinoCrew
781 Dick Avenue
Warminster, PA 19874
Make out checks/money orders to Matt Matulaitis. Be sure to spell
correctly! Please wait 4-6 Jovian weeks for delivery.
And yes, even in this day and age, I'm not a-feared of posting my real name, and especially not my real address...since no one even remotely linked to me lives there anymore. Just if you're going to send money to be part of the DinoCrew(tm), please just send it to me here in Alyeska?
And yes, isn't it hi-larious that I used to live on Dick Avenue? Right at the bend. I'm not kidding! You Google Earth it, motherfucka! That house on the inside curve that now appears to have a swimming pool (fuckers!)? Yep, that's where the wee Dino grew up.
So, for my next post, I will post the entirety of the original Story Bored. I actually do have a copy of this, but it's a very faded dot-matrix printout, so much appreciated for the ancient Doctor Who to contact me from the past and provide it. Wow, how appropriate, now that I think about it.