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 Post subject: First story
PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 12:14 pm 
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Destructive dragon
Posts: 26
Species: Dragon
Location: Brazil
Here is the first story i've ever wrote, i wouldn't call it a masterpiece as it's the first one, and please don't mention any english mistakes at it, as wasn't able to find any english native friend to spellcheck it for me...

anyway, there it goes, and any form of critic is welcomed hope you enjoy! :)


*The Hunt

The dawn came upon a rather warm Day, and as the Sun was shining bright upon the Sky, it was lighting up a cave where lives a dragon named Draco, and when the sun reached him inside the cave, he woke up, stretching himself, and waked to the entrance to feel the sunny day.

By the entrance, Draco shot himself up in the sky, heading to the forest to hunt. Arriving, he managed to land on a slash, where he started to look for wildlife, but wasn’t any kind of creature, he was majorly looking for raptors, as he wanted to play with them, so there he went inside the woods, finding his way through the trees, and stepping on a noisy ground, covered by sticks that cracked under every step, so he saw another raptor hunting alone an antelope, so to not scare the raptor, Draco kept his distance, following the raptor.

Taking smooth steps to not scare the antelope, the raptor approached it, and so Draco did, from the raptor’s back, with the sticks still cracking under his feet; so the antelope felt the presence of another animal, as it could heard the cracking noises, so it ran away, passing just in front of the raptor, as the raptor without having a clue on what could have scared the antelope, made its move, biting it down, and having a nice meal with it, so Draco saw an opportunity for its move, he managed to go around the raptor, to face it, moving between the trees, cracking the sticks, hoping the raptor would be too concentrated on the meal to hear his approach, so he took his position, and growls.
The raptor did heard the cracking sticks, but he was sure it wasn’t another raptor, nor any other creature by its size, as the cracking noises was louder, so it kept munching the dead antelope, as he heard a growl, now really sure he wasn’t alone, he stopped munching, slowly moving his head up, to see what was in there with it, so he say in the trees, a pair or bright bronze colored eyes, as a shape that assembled a large predator, 5 times larger than its own size, so by instinct, he hadn’t thought twice, it was a dragon, and was after the raptor, so the raptor ran away from the antelope’s body, just further I the woods.

Draco, now having his cover blown, jumped out of his hiding, and went after the raptor, not caring if he would pass between the trees or not, he went running, but was falling behind the raptor, as being smaller, could go in a straight line at fast speed, but a small river came up, as the raptor couldn’t keep it’s pace at the water, he had tipped and felt on the river, giving Draco time to catch with the raptor, as the raptor got back on its feet and ran.

Draco instead of continuing on foot, found enough room to go airborne, and so he did, chasing the raptor from the sky, leading him to a nearby slash, where the only way out, was the way in, as the slash was surrounded by rocks, and so did the raptor, it felt on Draco’s trick, and got himself surround by the rocks, and when he was about to run on the opposite direction, Draco landed blocking his path.

The raptor so stayed there standing still, as Draco was slowly nearing him, with a sadistic smile, but the raptor was no coward, he was a male raptor in the top of its glory, and was going to defend its place as the owner of that territory, so he showed his teeth, roaring, as Draco did showed his sharp bloody teeth too, and the raptor made the first move, dashing towards Draco it jumped, aiming for the dragon’s neck, with his claws and fangs ready to bite the dragon’s neck.

Draco wasn’t an easy to fool dragon, as he was experience on battling, he had just raised his neck, and so his forelimbs out of the ground, letting the raptor hit his plated chest, as it had became as hard as rock, the raptor felt like hitting rock, and felt to the ground, as Draco landed his forepaws over the raptor’s body, getting it pinned down on the slash’s soft grass, pressing his chest, as some weak bones started to crack under the massive weight, the raptor sticked its tongue out and opened its mouth to gasp for air as Draco was now looking at the scene with an evil grin, as it was pressing the raptor’s chest.

*The Cave

Draco, could manage himself to catch the raptor, by just pressing his chest until the raptor passed out by couldn’t being able to breathe, so Draco just bit his tail, and flew home taking his now acquired toy.

During the flight home, the raptor woke up, afraid, and just tried to escape, but when he noticed how high they were, he had just stopped moving again. When both arrived, Draco put the raptor down inside the cave, and pinned it down under his forepaw again placing it over the belly, and looked straight at the raptor’s eyes, so see if it was awake, so when the raptor’s felt the immense weight over his soft belly, he screamed loudly, throwing its pride away, as he was clever enough to see fighting against Draco was just get him killed faster, so he had no other option as he curled over Draco’s dirty paw, trying to relief the pain, and grabbing the dragon’s ankle, clearly showing it was enough to him, as his organs was becoming flat as paper.

Draco realizing it was too much weight for the raptor, lifted his paw form the raptor’s belly “Well, little guy, that’s what you got for escaping me, and hope you raptors are able to understand dragon’s language, as we are able to understand yours”, says Draco with such a happy face.
Raptors indeed could understand dragon’s language as they depended on it for their own survival, so Draco just pressed its foot down again, as the raptor’s belly was taking back its original shape, but now making it harder, as both of his forepaws now pressed it together. “ARGH… P… PLEASE its enough, its enough… I’m sorry…. ARGH” screamed the raptor agonizing in pain with tears coming out of his eyes, and couldn’t ever imagine, that such begging would just please the dragon

Draco just laughed at the raptor’s words, and did take his paws out of his belly, “Oh Well, I’m just too heavy for you right? But it’s too late to apologize, you MUST pay for trying to attack me” says Draco moving his hind paws over the belly that again was returning to its original shape, making it flat again, but now even worse than before as he could apply even more pressure than with his forepaws. The raptor wiggles, as he is holding his stomach to not throw up, but then Draco stand up over his hinds, putting all his massive weight over the raptor’s belly, ad that was more than enough to make the raptor throw up, as it vomited the remains of the antelope he had ate, and later spitted blood, as his intestines started collapsing inside, and his stomach wasn’t far from the same destiny.

“How do you like it little guy? Maybe I should make your ribs join your intestines too” says Draco as he went down to all his 4 legs, and lays on his belly beside the raptor, just looking his face, wet on his own tears, gasping for air as he cries out like a baby, clearly showing extreme pain and fear. “W…what do you want f… from me? PLEASE I’m begging you; don’t… kill me, I… I got the message, I won’t run away from you again… just tell what I can do to get out ALIVE”

*Mercy

Draco, amused by how the raptor reacted, completely changing his personality from a proud male, to a complete submissive male that would do anything at all to survive says: “Well little guy, if you really want to live that bad, I can give you an option, clean my paws, all of them, and maybe I can set you free”, then puts an evil grin at his face while eyeing he raptor.

The raptor, totally in fear and now shuddering as he thinks the dragon is lying, nods accepting the offer, as he could be clever enough to see what the other option would be without even asking, and Draco happy with the decision, stands up, and places one of his paws over the raptor’s muzzle, making it feel the terrible smell for his dirty paw, as it was making his muzzle dirty too, and so the raptor started licking it from the heels to the front, breathing as less as he could to don’t throw up with the smell, and about 1/3 of the paw licked, he did threw up, but this time, it was due to the terrible taste of his foot, that had old rotten flesh, dirt itself, mud… all sort of things, as Draco never did cared about his paws anyway. So he went back licking as fast as he could, to don’t even let his tongue feel the taste, and finishes the first paw “ok, it’s clean, now can I go?” asks the raptor with an innocent smile.

“NO, you will only be free when I say so, so get going” says Draco smiling and holds his other forepaw just about the same place as before, and the raptor started licking it, cleaning it up, just with a single motivation, go back home, as he is experiencing the worst of the worst of his nightmares, and do it in half of the time, and without even throwing up so as soon as Draco lifts his paw up, the raptor takes the moment to get up and make a run, but he was so mad to going home, that he forgot about tails, so Draco just looks back, and swings his tail hitting the raptor and sending it flying for a few feet, and when it hits the ground, there was Draco, so as soon as the raptor could go back to itself, Draco puts his paws over the raptor’s throat, pressing it down, as the raptor’s face quickly started to change color, as he wasn’t able to breathe.

The raptor coughs as its slowly running out of air and raises his forelimb grabbing Draco’s ankle to beg him to take his paw off, and so do Draco, taking if off, “oh well, do you think you can escape me like that? I think you just got yourself in trouble…” says Draco just dragging the raptor closer to his hind paws, force one of those huge hind paws inside the raptor’s mouth, but it was too big to fit, but Draco wasn’t even caring about it, and he forced it in until the point where the raptor’s jaws would break, so the raptor, pats Draco’s hind paw, in a sort of acknowledgment of what Draco is up to do, so Draco take his hind paw out of the raptor’s mouth, and hovers it over his muzzle, waiting the raptor to start the job.

The raptor looks to the hind paw, as it was even dirtier, but he was too much afraid of losing his life to think on not doing it, so he started licking it too, and could hold his vomit, as by now he was getting used to the musky paw, and do it in about the same time as before, so Draco, pats his head, in a sort of gratitude, and give the raptor the last paw to lick, and the raptor feeling good with the pat, does I without complaining, and finishes, now looking to Draco with a happy smile “now I’m free right?” as the raptor stands up, and starts walking toward the exit.

“Who said that you are free to go home?” says Draco, holding the raptor by the tail as he started moving away, “y…you said it?” says the raptor, now again fearful of what more Draco could do with him, “me? You might have heard voices, I said MAAAYBE I would let you go home, but guess what? You aren’t going back today… muahaha” Draco says as he pulls the raptor back closer to him.

“Hum…!!!!??? No… let me go, let me go, let me GO!!!” screams the raptor scratching his feet on the ground as it get pulled back by his tail
“helpless raptor, you are free to move around, but not leave the cave and I say we should have a rest now, as those work you did got me tired” says Draco after yawning, and lays on his belly, making almost a full circle around the raptor as its center.

The raptor now walks inside the dragon’s ‘circle’ looking at the ground, with tears going out of his eyes, but he finds no other option than just lay near Draco’s chest, and rest with him, hoping the next day he could be set free, but unfortunately a day that is way too far

The End
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 Post subject: Re: First story
PostPosted: Mon Apr 18, 2011 7:57 am 
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Oracle of the Slipper
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Species: Weesaur
Location: Ankh Ridge, Alyeska
Some problems with English (don't know what a "slash" is), but what's much more important is the emotion in the story, and that came through loud and clear! :) Reminds me of Diablo/Ahastar hijinx!

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 Post subject: Re: First story
PostPosted: Mon Apr 18, 2011 8:52 am 
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Destructive dragon
Posts: 26
Species: Dragon
Location: Brazil
Dinosorceror wrote:
Some problems with English (don't know what a "slash" is), but what's much more important is the emotion in the story, and that came through loud and clear! :) Reminds me of Diablo/Ahastar hijinx!


Well, the "slash" there is an open area among a forest, like this one: (that was the definition i found, so, if there is another word for that, what is it?)

Image

and thanks! :)
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 Post subject: Re: First story
PostPosted: Mon Apr 18, 2011 9:29 am 
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Talking Tyrannosaur
Posts: 861
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Ah yes, that's a great scene!

Congratulations and thanks for sharing it 8-)

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 Post subject: Re: First story
PostPosted: Mon Apr 18, 2011 3:10 pm 
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Oracle of the Slipper
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Species: Weesaur
Location: Ankh Ridge, Alyeska
We'd call that a "clearing". :) And kinda looks like a clawprint in that pic! :)

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 Post subject: Re: First story
PostPosted: Tue Apr 19, 2011 1:42 pm 
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Movie Monster
Posts: 343
Species: Anthro Dragon
Location: Minnesota
I think clearing would be a better word. A slash is very much associated with logging for me (having grown up around it). It would also not really be a clearing like you describe, but one that was recently cut and has not yet been cleaned up, perhaps containing many stumps and debris.
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